How to Make Murtagh Crazier
by alsdssg
Summary: Poor Murtagh. He was just sitting around minding his own business when my friend and I decided to wreak havoc on Alagaesia. Will Murtagh or anyone else get away with their sanity? Probably not, but it'll be fun watching them try.
1. Portals and Picket Signs

How to Make Murtagh Crazier

My friend and I came up with this while we were sitting in the auditorium waiting for the juniors to come in and receive their rings already. We're both freshman, and we have to wait three years. It sucks. Oh well.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon.

It was just the average high school day. Amy and Ally were walking down to first period World Cultures. Unfortunately, thinking of World Cultures made them loose the game. (I can't tell you about unless you promise to play for the rest of your lives.)

They walked through the door and noticed that their favorite sign had been put back up. Said sign read, "Entering Portal. Beware: Things get weird." They knew not how weird things were about to get.

"Ally?" Amy said as they walked through the door.

"What?" Ally, who was getting ready to follow her friend, inquired.

"Where are we?" Amy questioned.

Ally walked through the door at that moment. It wasn't their World Cultures classroom. They were standing outside of a very large, very medieval-looking city.

"I don't know," Ally answered.

"I had no idea things could get this weird," Amy whispered, pointing at a large sign she had just noticed. It read, "Welcome to Urû'baen!" in big, neon green and powder blue letters.

"Class colors," Ally pointed out.

"Don't remind me," Amy responded. (We hate our class colors.)

"Well, should we go in?" Ally asked.

"Wait! We have to do something first," Amy said.

Ally looked at the pieces of poster board they'd been carrying when they came to Alagaësia. She looked at Amy. Amy nodded.

"Picket signs!" they both yelled at the same time.

Two hours later

It was a usual day in the palace. A servant who wasn't important enough to have a name was calmly scrubbing the courtyard. That's when it happened. Two teenage girls who looked like elves and were wearing outfits that were straight out of Madeline (We wanted to look like elves for some odd reason, and we call our school uniforms Madeline outfits) came barreling into the courtyard bearing wise adages such as: "Murtagh, you're not evil!" "May the dragon be with you!" "Resist the dark side of the dragon!" and so on and so forth.

Unfortunately for this poor random servant, he did not get out of the way of the two fangirls. He never really had a chance. Amy and Ally stampeded him.

They continued running at light speed through the castle.

"Where's Murtagh's room?" Ally asked, stopping her rampage for a second. People who had gotten out of the way just in time breathed a sigh of relief.

"Uh, Ally," Amy replied, pointing at the door down the hall that read, "Murtagh's room," in regular black letters.

"Oh," Ally responded, smacking her head. "Duh. I missed that. Shall we continue?"

"Yes, we shall," Amy answered. They then began to charge full-speed-ahead towards Murtagh's room.

Murtagh was sleeping quite soundly. After all, being Galby's evil mind tool wears a guy out. At least, he was sleeping soundly until the doors barged open. His servant was hit on the head by the door and impaled by a sign reading, "Use the dragon."

Murtagh blinked as he stared at the two dark-haired, elfish-looking girls panting in his doorway. They were wearing knee-length blue dresses with white collars. He read their signs and muttered, "Yep, I'm definitely dreaming."

Sadly, Amy and Ally would not let him continue with this delusion.

"Murtagh, snap out of it," Amy yelled, slapping him.

"You are not evil," Ally shouted, whapping Murtagh over the head with one of her signs.

"Okay, I'm not dreaming," Murtagh muttered after several minutes of this.

He looked slowly at his dead servant and asked a very wise question to Amy and Ally. It was, "Did you kill my servant?"

Ally and Amy looked at the dead servant, the bloody sign and door, and then at each other.

"No," they slowly said together.

Murtagh glanced at the servant. They followed his eyes.

"Maybe," they continued.

Murtagh groaned.

"Yeah, kinda," they answered.

"We just hit him with the door though," Ally protested.

Murtagh looked at the bloody sign in her hand.

"Well, Ally did the sign," Amy put in, pointing at Ally.

"You did the door!" she accused.

"I'm loosing it," Murtagh mumbled as he watched them argue.

"I assure you, we are quite real," Ally told him, putting out her hand and shaking his rather enthusiastically.

Amy nodded beside her.

Murtagh stared at them. Thorn stuck his head and projected, _I'm loosing it with you._

"No, you two were already crazy," Ally comforted.

"I don't think that made them feel any better," Amy whispered to her friend.

"It sounded more comforting in my head," Ally admitted.

Amy shrugged.

"You're going to the throne room," Murtagh shouted.

"Why?" Ally and Amy asked at the same time.

Murtagh ignored them and shoved them out the door. They both yelled sayings from their signs as they were ushered towards the throne room.

Just review and tell me how you liked it. There actually used to be a sign on the door of my World Cultures class that says, "Entering Portal. Beware: Things get weird." P.S. Guess which one's me.


	2. SelfHelp and KeepAway

Self-Help and Keep-Away

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars.

Galbatorix was calmly stroking the last dragon egg and muttering what sounded suspiciously like, "My precious," when the doors of his throne room were throne open. He dropped the dragon egg and stared at the intruders. They were Murtagh, Thorn, and two girls. The girls were yelling strange sayings.

_Do you think they're insane?_ Galbatorix asked Shruikan.

_Well, you would know,_ the black dragon replied.

_Stupid dragon! How could I be insane?_ Galbatorix yelled.

Shruikan didn't even bother to answer the question.

"Murtagh, what is the meaning of this?" the king shouted.

"These girls have been rampaging through the palace, killing servants at random, and disturbing the peace," Murtagh explained, pointing at the two girls.

"Honestly, Murtagh, couldn't you have killed them yourselves? You're hopeless. I've been trying to teach you to help yourself, but it isn't working," Galbatorix whined, sounding rather like a two year old.

Before Galbatorix could kill them, however, Amy and Ally reached into their pockets and pulled out—wait for it—their cell phones and i-pods.

Galbatorix and Murtagh just stared at these devices.

Ally and Amy were praying the same thing. It was, _Please, let us get service. Please, let us get service._

Thankfully, they got service. They both played their ringtones.

Galbatorix jumped and yelled, "Where is that music coming from?"

Murtagh had curled up in fetal position. "You're calling that music?" he whimpered.

"It is so music," Ally and Amy yelled at the same time.

Ally walked up to Murtagh, went through her play list, selected "Buttons," and gave Murtagh a listen.

The look of horror was apparent on the poor rider's face.

Amy grinned, walked up to Murtagh as well, pulled out Ally's earphones, and put in her own. The song was, appropriately, "Crazy."

Murtagh ripped the earphones out of his ears, ran a few circles around the room, and sat down in the same place.

He put his knees up to his chin, his arms around his knees, rocked back and forth on his heels, and began to mumble, "I am not crazy. I am not crazy." Thorn was doing much the same thing next to his rider.

Galbatorix ignored the poor rider and dragon and continued to question Amy and Ally.

He looked them over and asked, "Why are your ankles uncovered?" We know they're all prudes in Alagaësia.

Amy and Ally frowned, looked at their socks, and corrected, "No, these are legal socks."

Murtagh was still muttering, "I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy," when the doors of the throne room were flung open. A tall, middle-aged woman with closely cropped black hair and a baggy dress strode into the throne room. Ally and Amy exchanged horrified glances. They seemed to ask, "How did she get here?"

"Girls, those are most definitely not legal socks. Who do you think you are? Honestly, this uniform is a symbol of our school," the lady yelled.

Ally and Amy were whimpering.

Murtagh got up and stated, "You know what? I give up. I'm crazy. No use denying it. At least she scares them." He pointed at the creepy lady who had just come in.

"Who are you two?" the lady demanded of Galbatorix and Murtagh.

They began to cower.

"It is sinful to want to scare young girls. You're not letting them think," she berated.

Galbatorix and Murtagh were saved from the wrath of Ally and Amy's teacher by the sound of a watch going off.

"I've got to get to class. You'd better be good," she said with a glare at Ally and Amy as she strode back to Earth.

Murtagh and Thorn were having a conversation in their corner.

_I've found this new self-help book,_ Murtagh was saying. _It's called: What to Do When Elf Girls in Madeline Outfits Pop Up._

Thorn shook his head. _You need the newer addition,_ he explained. Thorn pulled out a book reading, What to Do When Elf Girls in Madeline Outfits and Illegal Socks Pop Up.

Murtagh grabbed the book from his dragon, and they both began to read. The first chapter was called, "Illegal Uniform Practices."

Murtagh decided to skip that chapter. The first sentence read, "To be brief, all socks must be white and covering the ankle-bone. To be verbose…"

_Thorn, this thing about socks goes on for three pages,_ the rider exclaimed.

_What it that strange symbol at the end of that section?_ Thorn inquired.

This symbol was a sock with a Nazi symbol on it.

"Oh, that's the sock Nazi symbol," Amy explained.

Murtagh and Thorn jumped. Ally and Amy had been reading over their shoulders. No, I don't know how you can read over a dragon's shoulder, but it's not like this is canon.

"Go away!" Murtagh shouted.

"Geesh," Ally complained. "Someone's grumpy."

Amy scowled in affirmation. Then her face brightened as she noticed the green dragon egg lying at Galbatorix's feet. She whispered something to Ally, who grinned evilly when she heard.

"Hey, Galby, ever heard of keep-away?" Ally questioned innocently.

Galbatorix shook his head.

"Well, we'll teach you," Amy told the mad king brightly.

Murtagh and Thorn looked up from their self-help book and groaned. "Keep-away" did not sound like a good idea to them.

_Let's just keep reading,_ Thorn told Murtagh.

The rider nodded. They both watched Galbatorix and the nutty girls from over the top of their book.

Amy grabbed the green dragon and tossed it to Ally, who caught it only by the grace of her new elfin reflexes.

They continued to toss it between them while Galbatorix tried to catch it. He called for Murtagh and Thorn to help him. They were both psychologically deaf to his pleas.

Amy and Ally decided to jump on the rafters and continue to play keep-away. Unfortunately for the poor egg, not even Ally's newly acquired elfin abilities had rectified her poor hand-eye coordination. Amy made a bad throw, and Ally missed.

The dragon egg fell twenty feet and cracked.

Ally and Amy exchanged glances. "Uh-oh," they both said to each other.

"Is it hatching?" Galbatorix asked, acquiring a weird eye-twitch.

A green dragon tumbled out of the cracked egg. It looked around the room in mild disgust. It saw Amy and Ally, who were getting down from the rafters. Its expression seemed to say, "Did I just choose one of them?" Needless to say, the green dragon was not happy about the present circumstances.

"Well, dragon," Galbatorix spoke up gleefully, "which of these is your rider?"

_I didn't hatch for either one of them. They broke my egg playing their idiotic game,_ the dragon stated. It had figured out what had happened. What dragon in its right mind would choose a girl who was playing with its egg?

"You can't break a dragon egg!" Murtagh yelled from his book. His psychological deafness had faded.

_I think they just did,_ Thorn remarked incredulously.

A shriek came from the throne room door. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was supposed to be the next rider! I'm perfect. My life has been a living hell. They can't just break my dragon egg," a perfectly pitched female voice sounded from the door.

Ally and Amy turned slowly to see the world's most perfect-looking girl standing there.

"There had to be a Mary-Sue in this story, didn't there?" Ally sighed.

Amy nodded sadly. "At least there's somewhat of a plot now," she comforted.

Well, every rule of Eragon has been broken right there. I actually like my school, but some teachers are scary. There are a few who are anal about the uniform code. We call the teachers who check to see if you're wearing the right socks constantly "sock Nazis." I don't know how we broke a dragon egg, but we did. P.S. Could you all send me profiles for Mary-Sues? I want this girl to be bad. Here are the review responses.

Child of the Sky: Who doesn't? He's hot, and I bet he's even hotter when he's mad.

Aneet: I was winning too until I read your review. It's an ongoing cycle.

Dreamgirlhoo: I'm glad you think it's funny. I have something resembling a plot now. Could you help with the Sue thing? P.S. I'll have an original cherio.


	3. Mary Sue!

Mary Sue!

Hey, guess what? I'm getting up at 5 A.M. tomorrow. Endless joy in a bucket! Not. Eh, I hope the regatta's fun. It probably will be.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"K'tanya Ravenwing!" Galbatorix gasped. "Weren't you being tortured for any apparent reason?"

The girl tossed her blond hair and her deep emerald eyes flashed menacingly. Her turned-up nose looked even more turned-up. She looked as intimidating as someone who was about ninety pounds tops.

Murtagh looked genuinely scared. This girl had been hitting on him not-stop since Galbatorix had captured her from Ellesméra. She also had quite a sob-story attached to her. Apparently, she was a half-elf. No one in Ellesméra had accepted her, and they hadn't really cared when she was captured by Galbatorix. Galbatorix had been unable to break through her unrealistically strong mental-barriers. Needless to say, K'tanya Ravenwing wasn't his favorite person.

"I got away from your incompetent, perverted guards and made my way to the egg chamber. I found that it was not there so I made my way to the throne room. When I got here, I saw this terrible abomination happen. I intend to right this wrong in any way possible," the Mary Sue yelled, her voice vibrating throughout the room.

Ally and Amy were busy listening to Ridin' Dirty on one of their i-pods. They were singing horribly off key because they could.

K'tanya Ravenwing finished her overly dramatic speech and realized that Ally and Amy weren't paying attention.

"Hey! I was giving a very important speech," she shrieked, somehow still sounding perfect.

"What?" they both yelled over the roar of the music coming from the i-pod.

"Well, I don't see why I should talk to you two anyway. You're just two irresponsible adolescents. You broke a sacred object, and I am simply going to rectify your mistake. You're really very lucky I'm here," K'tanya replied after a minute of thought. (It probably hurt her brain to come up with such words.)

"We still can't here you," Ally and Amy shouted. They then proceeded to ignore her some more.

K'tanya stuck up her nose and walked over to Murtagh. The latter pretended to be very absorbed in What to Do When Elf Girls In Madeline Outfits with Illegal Socks Pop Up.

Galbatorix was more concerned with Ally and Amy than K'tanya at the time.

He snapped his fingers, and the ear phones of the i-pod came out of Ally and Amy's ears.

"Damn, that was my favorite part," Ally moaned.

Galbatorix grabbed Amy, who was closest to him, and put his hand on her head. He began to read her mind. Unfortunately, Amy had already put up her defenses. They were the lyrics to Buttons. Galbatorix looked horrified by the lyrics. He pushed her away and went to Ally. He didn't think there was anyway her mind could be worse than Amy's. Ah, how wrong he was. Ally's defenses were the lyrics to Moneymaker.

By the end of this mind-reading sequence, Galby was curled up in a ball repeating the phrase, "Too scary. Too scary. Too scary."

K'tanya Ravenwing looked angry. Her Arya-mimicry eyes flashed. "How can you justify listening to such obscene music? It's degrading and tasteless. Besides, you two can't sing a note," she complained.

Amy and Ally looked at her. They began to chant, "Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue!"

"That's not my name!" she shrieked.

"Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue!"

K'tanya Ravenwing was looking angrier by the minute. This was perhaps the first time Murtagh had been made even remotely happy by anything Amy and Ally did. He was enjoying K'tanya's pain. Hey, being Galby's mind tool makes you sadistic.

Shruikan stared at the sight before him. His "rider" was looking crazier than usual. Murtagh and Thorn looked near laughter. K'tanya Ravenwing looked ready to explode with anger. Ally and Amy had started singing Bad Day. How appropriate was that? The green dragon had an expression of disgust on his face. Things were getting chaotic.

At last, the green dragon found it reasonable to butt in. He shouted, _Hey!_

Everyone, even K'tanya, stopped to listen.

"Don't worry, dear dragon. I'll get you away from these people. I'll be you rider," K'tanya "comforted."

The green dragon gave her a look before continuing. _I shall stay with those two girls until I find someone I wish to be my rider._

K'tanya opened her mouth.

_Not you,_ the green dragon cut her off.

The Mary Sue pouted. Somehow, she still looked perfect while doing this. Actually, she looked even more perfect. Perfect is suddenly starting to sound like an insult. Hey, look at what they did to the last guy who was truly perfect. (Crucifixion- not a good way to go) Of course, K'tanya's fake-perfect and not real. We don't have to feel bad about being mean to her. God, we're awful.

"So, should we pick a name?" Amy asked Ally.

"What should we name it?" Ally thought aloud after a moment.

_My name is Ohen, _the dragon replied.

"That narrows it down," Amy remarked. Ally nodded enthusiastically. Galbatorix regained his power of speech.

"You two will now swear an oath to me," he commanded.

Both girls rolled their eyes.

"No. F---in. Way." Ally answered.

"Don't say that word!" Amy corrected.

"Sorry," Ally said meekly. "I didn't think you'd come up with an alternative to that word though."

"I'll think of something," Amy replied.

Galbatorix cleared his throat.

Both girls turned to pay attention to him.

"Take them to the dungeons, Murtagh!" Galbatorix yelled.

"What about me?" K'tanya whined.

"Take her with them if you must," Galbatorix conceded.

Murtagh looked like he had been asked to eat toenails. Ally and Amy had similar expressions. K'tanya looked livid.

"She better not give another speech," Ally muttered to Amy. Alas, she did.

"I will not reside in the same prison as those two irresponsible, less than perfect, normal girls," K'tanya stated.

"Uh, I wouldn't call us normal," Amy put in.

K'tanya flipped her perfect hair and turned up her upturned nose.

"I meant there is nothing extraordinary about you aside from random behavior and nerve. And I don't think I said you could speak." she told Amy.

"Mary Sue! Hypocrite! Mary Sue! Hypocrite! Mary Sue! Hypocrite!" Ally and Amy chanted as they were dragged away to the dungeons. K'tanya was shouting that that wasn't her name. It didn't make any difference.

Did you like this chapter? I hope you did. K'tanya's name came from Maggie's Mary Sue Generator. Here are the review responses.

DragonLoverEragonLover: That, my dear reader, will be quite amazing. I didn't know what a Mary Sue was until I started reading Eragon, so don't worry. It's an über-perfect, unrealistic, and/or cliché character. Gary Stue is the male version.

Hottie: That would be funny, but it would be stooping to her level.

Meh: Yeah, I am. I lost the game. I'll tell you what it is if everybody promises to play for the rest of their lives.

Ebz: I like your reviews. Teachers can be scary. There's this one lady who used to teach and now subs who always smiles, even when she's mad. That's frightening. What movie is she in with Garrett Hedlund? That's who's playing Murtagh, right? I'll tell you about the game if everyone promises to play for the rest of their lives. Keep in mind that my very strange World Cultures teacher taught my entire class to play.

Azulcat: Thanks. I used the looks and personality for K'tanya. At least to a certain extent.

Xo-MidnightSun-ox: Ha ha. I'm glad I converted you. It is an awesome song. Thanks.

Dreamgirlhoo: I've read those two fics. They're awesome and on my favorites list. Thanks for the suggestions. They helped.


	4. That Damn Portal

That Damn (Darn) Portal

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Ally, Amy, and K'tanya had all assumed impressive pouts. (K'tanya's was the most impressive because she was a Sue, and we all know they have impressive pouts.)

Murtagh was sitting outside the dungeon, whistling happily. His guard duty would be over in a few minutes and life would go back to as normal as it could be when he was Galbatorix's mind slave. He was currently reading his self-help book. He turned to the last page he was finally done. His mouth dropped when he got to the last sentence. It read: "If these girls ever pop, you're going crazy. Accept it now." Murtagh threw it down angrily.  
"They call that a self-help book?" he screamed at no one in particular.

"Cabbage head!" Amy yelled. (Three guesses as to what that means.)

Murtagh just stared at her.

"I feel like I've been stabbed, but I can't find any blood," he muttered.

"It's one of Amy's insults. It's better and more original than mine," Ally sighed.

"Mine are far more original than hers!" K'tanya put in randomly.

"I'm sure they are," Ally replied sarcastically.

"They are," K'tanya protested.

"I didn't say they weren't," Ally responded. She then proceeded to look at her nails.

Murtagh was about to get up when the strangeness increased. A group of girls walked into the room. They were all wearing Madeline outfits. Well, one wasn't. She was dressed as an Arby's oven mitt because she thought it was Halloween.

"Whoa!" the only one not in a Madeline outfit yelled.

A tall, dark-haired man followed them.

"Girls, did I ever tell you my favorite part of-- Where are we?" he said, changing his tone as he looked around the room.

"No, Mr. L----, you just told us about your favorite part of Wayne's World," Ally shouted happily from the cell below them.

"Yeah, Mr. Cool Beans," one of the girls in Madeline outfits put in.

"Donny, can you see the pain?" the teacher asked.

"It's Paige now," the girl corrected.

"Whatever," the teacher replied.

Murtagh looked at the teacher empathetically. "I've felt the pain from them," he comforted, pointing at Ally and Amy.

"Really? It's usually Paige who causes pain. Not that they all don't occasionally," Mr. L replied.

"I don't know this Paige yet," Murtagh remarked.

"Consider yourself lucky," the teacher told the poor rider.

"Hey, are you saying I never cause pain?" third girl spoke up.

"Fine, Kate. You do," Mr. L conceded.

"And I'm about to now," Kate replied, pulling out a random yardstick. "We heard that you broke your third 'board of education' this year and needed a new one. Here it is."

Mr. L took the yardstick and stared at it. It read:

"To Draco, our precious, pansy professor.

Lots of love from your Spartan students."

Mr. L continued to stare.

"Kate, can you see the pain?" Mr. L repeated.

"Don't I cause pain?" the Arby's girl demanded.

"Of course you do, Tess," Mr. L groaned

"Well, you disturbed our minds with the horse thing," a fourth girl spoke up.

"I didn't tell you anything, Abby. You just figured it out for yourselves," the teacher sighed.

"Abby, never mention the horse thing again," a fifth girl put in. "Then again, at least I'm not eating now."

"We love you though, Abby," Ally shouted. "You're only slightly perverted at times."

"And the other times I'm mostly perverted?" Abby shot back jokingly.

"Yeah, pretty much," Ally agreed.

Abby pretend to be offended.

"I'm so glad I'm not eating," the fifth girl, who was named Nicole, put in.

"You keep up that gratitude," the lady from before spoke up. She had returned.

"Jesus Christ!" Ally yelled.

The lady glared at her.

"Is my savior?" Ally whimpered.

The lady walked out, shooting a final glare at Ally for good measure.

"So, where are we?" a sixth girl named Meg asked.

"Alagaësia," Amy replied.

"As in Eragon's world?" Paige inquired.

Amy nodded.

Abby acquired a strange smile. "Oh, the matchmaking I could do," she simpered dreamily.

Amy's eyes widened.

"What's wrong?" Ally whispered.

"Three guesses at her favorite pairing. You get one clue: she hasn't read Eldest yet because there are certain things she has to still 'not know'." Amy explained.

Ally's eyes widened. "Oh s---!" she replied.

"You really need to work on that swearing," Amy remarked.

"Oh, it's only that word I have a problem with," Ally comforted.

"Funny," Kate remarked. "I wouldn't think you'd be one to cuss."

"Oh, remember where you said bitch in front of my parents," a sixth girl named Emily spoke up.

"I didn't mean to," Ally muttered.

"Oh, they thought it was funny," Emily comforted. "I mean, you only called somebody from a riddle that."

"True," Ally agreed.

Murtagh, Thorn, and Ohen just stared. K'tanya decided to make yet another speech.

"This has gone far enough! None of you belong here! You deserve to have your entrails cut out and burned!" the Mary Sue cried passionately.

"That's mean," Emily remarked.

"It is only the truth. I am perfect. I am the kindest and best person in the world," K'tanya protested.

Ally, Amy, and Abby, who were all aware of the horror that is Mary Sue, all clutched their stomachs to keep from vomiting. Murtagh was actually doing the same exact thing. Abby noticed Murtagh and walked over to him.

"Oh, Murtagh, may I ask your opinions on Eragon?" she inquired.

"Uh, he's my brother," Murtagh answered, unsure of why she had asked the question.

"I knew it!" Abby yelled, punching her fist in the air.

Murtagh just stared at her, confused. Amy and Ally groaned. Paige's eyes widened in horror.

"Please, tell me her favorite pairing isn't Eragon/Murtagh," Paige pleaded.

"Fine then. We won't tell you," Ally replied mournfully.

Galbatorix, meanwhile, was calmly sitting in his throne room and calmly stapling reports from his spies into a book. Said book was aptly named, "The Book of Spies' Reports." Just then, more randomness happened. A clean-cut man with graying hair came in, pulled the stapler out of Galbatorix's hand, handed him a roll of tape, and stated, "Tape good. Staples bad. And don't even think about using glue." With that, the random man walked out of the throne room.

Galbatorix walked into the dungeons. He looked at the new arrivals.

"Murtagh, why are they here?" he shouted.

Murtagh shrugged.

"A shrug is not an answer!" Galbatorix shrieked.

"I have no idea," Murtagh corrected himself.

"There's a portal in our World Cultures class," Amy explained.

"A portal? Wow! That is so weird," Emily put in.

"It's like the sign!" Meg spoke up.

"Yeah," Tess added.

Mr. L rolled his eyes. "You what the sad thing about this whole thing is?" he asked Murtagh.

"What?" the rider inquired in a bored voice.

"This is our 'gifted' class. The applicant pool was a little shallow last year, and we got this class," Mr. L explained. "I mean, look at them. They're a freakshow."

"I noticed," Murtagh remarked.

"Yes, very good, Murtagh," Mr. L praised. Then he smacked his head. "Oh wait. You're a twenty year old man. You can't come to an all girls private school."

Galbatorix cleared his throat. Everyone turned and looked at him.

"Put them in the dungeons," he ordered Murtagh as he left the dungeons.

Murtagh muttered some random spell, and they all ended up in the dungeons.

"Now you're putting a man in the dungeon with me!" K'tanya shrieked. (Three guesses at the appropriate adverb to describe it.)

Mr. L just stared at her. "I am married with a baby. You're what, sixteen? My God, what is wrong with you?"

K'tanya was struck speechless. There's a first. Unfortunately, she regained her speech power.

"That's what they all say!" she exclaimed.

"More pain!" Mr. L proclaimed.

"Rhyming!" Ally yelled.

"Stop scaring the rider," Mr. L admonished. "See what I mean?" he asked Murtagh.

The rider nodded grimly. "I certainly do," he stated gravely.

"We need a plan!" Nicole yelled.

"I have a plan!" Amy shouted.

"Is this as bad as the plan to smuggle me to Greece and somehow keep my parents from noticing I'm not in the Philippines?" Nicole groaned.

"Oh no, this one's workable," Amy comforted.

"What's the plan?" everyone else inquired eagerly.

Amy reached into her pocket and pulled out a greasy black hair. Everyone looked at the thing with revulsion.

"Eww, what is that?" Emily shrieked.

"It's one of Galbatorix's hairs!" Amy explained.

Everyone looked at her, confused.

"Here's the plan: we clone him, and that clone can take us to the throne room. Once there, we kill the Mary Sue," Amy told them.

"You cannot kill me. I am the greatest warrior there ever was!" K'tanya shouted.

"Fine, you can go to the Varden with us," Amy conceded.

"I don't want you pity," K'tanya corrected.

"Oh, believe me, there's no pity there," Amy shook her head.

K'tanya scowled perfectly at her.

"That cannot work," Nicole stated glumly.

Emily spoke up. "Here's how we clone," she explained. She then went on a very long, intelligent, scientific tangent while making a very lifelike and good Galbatorix clone. At the end of this, she said, "And, oh, by the way, how many calories are there in water?"

Everyone, including Murtagh's, mouth dropped open.

"Is she smart or stupid?" he asked.

"Oh, she's smart," Ally explained. "She's just a little ditzy."

"Well, we might as well get to the Varden," Amy shouted.

"Matchmaking!" Abby yelled gleefully.

"I think we should do some counter-matchmaking," Ally muttered to Amy.

"Murtagh/Nasuada?" Amy asked.

"Totally," Ally answered.

Ohen rolled his eyes.

_I have a feeling I should be doing something about this, but I just don't feel like it,_ the dragon remarked.

"Good dragon," Amy and Ally praised.

Ohen just groaned. Maybe his true rider would be at the Varden. He growled as K'tanya tried to touch his scales.

Andrea Harper: Thanks. Shazbat is a good substitute. That's not the word I really have trouble with, though.

Xo-MidnightSun-ox: That would've been a good idea, but it would've been mentally scarring too.

Snowlia: We have to wear nametags too. It's really not that bad. Most teachers don't really care, but some are really strict. That teacher was the worst.

Wildbeauty: I am continuing.

Azulcat: Thanks. I hope this chapter kept you laughing.

Ebz: I like the Jim Morrison stuff I've heard. That's funny that she took away your detention. That happened to one of my guy friends in Middle School. This scary teacher forgot to give him the detention she said she was going to give him.

Meh: Thanks. I'll keep those things in mind for the Mary Sue.

Aneet: That would be realistic, but it wouldn't be funny. This is a bit of a crack fic. I'm trying to keep Galbatorix in character though, and that's why he locked them up. He would have probably tried to break their will if they hadn't escaped so soon.


	5. The Late Arrival of Kit

The Late Arrival of Kit

(And Several Less Important Events)

Disclaimer: All I own is the twisted lack of plot.

P.S. Kit's just sarcastic a lot.

The group had reached the throne room with the Galbatorix-clone when more randomness occurred. A girl came out of another portal. (I do believe portals are a recurring theme in this story. I have some element of plot! Yay!)

"Ohmigod, how could I have forgotten you?" Ally yelled when she saw her.

"I know, how could you?" the girl, whose name was Kit, asked sarcastically.

"Well, this chapter is named after you," Ally comforted.

"I guess that makes it up to me," Kit said after a moments thought.

_Hem. Hem,_ Ohen yelled.

_What is it, dearest dragon? _K'tanya inquired pleasantly, being stupid enough to touch Ohen's mind.

Ohen growled at her and forced her out.

"Why does no one love me?" she moaned.

"Could it be because you're a Mary Sue?" Kit asked.

"You are already so observant," Amy praised.

Kit nodded, "Yeah, that's me."

"Guys, we've gotta get out of here," Meg remarked suddenly.

They stopped and heard Galbatorix whistling Colonel Bogey.

"Oh no," Abby yelled. "It's the evil, annoying, boring band song again."

"Funnily enough, I've taken to whistling that song while waiting for things to happen. It helps keep my impatience in check," Ally remarked.

"Guys, we've gotta go," Nicole shouted.

"Murtagh, Thorn, you're coming with us," Amy put in.

Both rider and dragon looked appalled.

"It's this or stay here and explain why you let us go," Amy continued.

Murtagh mounted Thorn and let Mr. L and Paige do the same with gusto.

Emily built a pink flying machine to transport the rest of the group while having an argument with Kate. What was this argument about, you ask? Emily was insisting that Paris Hilton was smart, and Kate was insisting that she was, to use her exact words, "as dumb as a rock and with even less personality."

Finally, they reached the Varden. K'tanya jumped out of the flying machine, which she had wrongly assumed would not work and hugged Murtagh.

"We've survived. I am so happy that I endured that treacherous flight, for now I can be reunited with you," the Mary Sue proclaimed.

Murtagh pushed her off of himself and walked away. Abby walked up to him and said, "Hey, I know that Sue is bugging you."

"So…" was all Murtagh had to say in response.

"I have the cure to end all Sues," Abby told him.

"What?" Murtagh asked quite eagerly.

Abby whispered in his ear. Murtagh ran away screaming.

_Did she just suggest what I think she just suggested?_ Thorn demanded incredulously.

"If you don't mind, Thorn, I'm trying to forget what I just heard," Murtagh shouted back, sounding slightly insane.

"Trying to forget _what_?" a female voice asked. Murtagh turned around slowly. He knew who the speaker was. He also didn't know whether to be happy or sad to see her.

"It's a long story, Nasuada," was all the rider had to say.

"Well, speaking of long stories, what are you doing here?" Nasuada continued. She sounded a bit frightened.

"That's an even longer story," Murtagh replied.

"Thankfully, we have lots of patience," Amy spoke up.

Murtagh and Nasuada both turned to her voice. The former groaned and dropped his head. The latter simply stared. Finally, she found her voice.

"What are these girls doing with you?" the Varden's leader asked.

"Severely long story," Murtagh answered.

"It's not that long, Murty," Paige insisted heartily, giving him a pat on the back.

Both Amy and Paige told the story. Nasuada's mouth was hanging open by the end of it. She turned to Murtagh and asked, "Are you free now?"

"I think so," he replied, shooting a nervous glance at the insane fan girls around him.

"That's the spirit!" Paige hollered.

"They seem nice," Nasuada continued, trying to make conversation and discover any hidden plots.

"Do they?" Murtagh asked skeptically. "Well, good luck with that."

Nasuada laughed when she realized he was joking. K'tanya shot her a death glare. Nasuada failed to notice it.

"You stole a Seinfeld line!" Ally shrieked randomly.

"Seinfeld?" Murtagh and Nasuada inquired at the same time.

"Never mind," Ally said, shaking her head. Yay! More rhyming!

"I'll take you to the Varden," Nasuada said after a minute of silence.

All the girls shrugged in agreement. Murtagh looked understandably nervous. Mr. L was asking people what the Varden was.

The Next Day

Ally and Kate were listening to "My Hump" on Ally's i-pod. They both, quite sadly, knew every single word.

Eragon and Murtagh came into the tent. They stared at the two girls for a moment. Eragon looked horrified by the lyrics.

"Is that supposed to be _music_?" the hero asked incredulously.

"I think so," Murtagh replied.

"Yeah, it is," Kate said to Eragon. "Ohmigod, he's so cute!"

"He looks five if you ask me," Amy said, coming into the tent. Ally nodded in agreement.

"I'm not five!" Eragon yelled.

"Six?" Amy and Ally tried.

Eragon shook his head.  
"Seven?"

Same response.

"Eight?"

"No."

"Nine?"

"NO!"

"I think ten's pushing it," both girls agreed.

"I'm seventeen!" Eragon shrieked.

Murtagh shook his head. "They can make you crazy faster than Galbatorix. Sorry I didn't give you a fair warning."

"I'd still do him," Kate muttered to Ally.

"Freak," Ally shot back.

"So are you," Kate volleyed.

They both started laughing.

Amy nodded slowly, "I think I'll stay pure and uncorrupted, thanks."

"We're just kidding, Amy," Kate comforted.

Eragon had heard part of the conversation. "Do?" he asked Murtagh slowly.

"Get somebody else to explain it to you," Murtagh told him.

"Oh, yes, Murtagh, I'm sure you'll 'explain' it to him," Abby said, coming into the tent.

"You," Murtagh growled. "Back, beast, back!"

Eragon seemed to be reviewing the situation in his not so great mind. He knew he was missing something.

"We need to teach you guys how to rap," Kate suddenly put in.

"Rap?" they both asked at the same time.

Kate nodded evilly.

That's the end of chapter 5! I know it's a cliffy. What songs should they teach them to rap? Also, I want you to help me come up with stupid matchmaking plans destined to not work for Abby, Amy, and Ally. Please contribute. Here are the review responses.

Psychedelic kitten: Thanks! Randomness shall overcome! Mwahahaha!

Wild Beauty: I'm glad I made you happy.

Beckettsbabe09: Thanks.

Cheesey Goodness: Ditto.

Azulcat: Randomness shall overcome! Mwahahaha! Hem! Hem! I've calmed down now.

Ebz: Is there another Jim Morrison? Light My Fire was actually the title of a lab report I wrote for bio. We were burning food to figure out how many calories were in it. Amy and I burned crackers. WHEAT THINS LIED! They had the most calories of the three types of crackers we tested. Of course, we might have messed up so don't trust us. I know what a principal is. I'm from the US. That sounds like an interesting plan. Amy's involved getting someone from the robotics club helping us to build a robot. (We're probably the world's most technologically impaired people in the world, and we go to a school where you have to have a lap top.) Unfortunately, their robots are short, even compared to Nicole (She and Noelle, another short friend of mine, are scary-intimidating together), and they don't look remotely human. The other idea was clone her, but the technologic imparities make it hard.

Xo-MidnightSun-ox: LOL. Randomness shall overcome. Okay I lied. I haven't calmed down.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Abby, I thank you for your contributions to this chapter, and I ask you how you would like to attempt to set Eragon and Murtagh up. (It's not gonna work, but you know.)

Andrea Harper: What about rope? I don't understand. Please, explain.


	6. Rap Lessons

Rap Lessons

Did you know that 64 of feng sui followers believe that computer power is enhanced when the power is turned on? My little brother told me that. Put rotflol in your review if you read A/N. Also, we had a Britney Spears flashback in Health class when one girl played the music on her laptop for laughs. It was funny. I still know the words to "Lucky."

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"Rap?" Eragon asked.

"What's that?" Murtagh asked.

Kate grinned even more evilly. She pulled out her i-pod and searched her playlist. She showed her choice to Amy and Ally.

"That's a good start. They don't have to go too fast, but is that really rap?" Ally asked.

"Yeah," Kate said.

"Wait!" came Paige's voice. "Are you seriously going to give them raps lessons without me? ME? The coolest nerd in existence?"

Murtagh put his head between his knees. Eragon looked at him.

"Prepare for pain and insanity," the older brother said.

"Okay, dude, you have no optimism," Kate told him.

"Anyway," Amy yelled over them all, "we're starting with 'Sexy Back.'"

"What's that?" Eragon asked.

"A song," Kate answered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Murtagh shouted.

"Yes," Ally corrected.

"Okay, listen to it first," Paige ordered, shoving the ear-phones of her i-pod into both riders' ears.

"That wasn't as bad as the other one," Murtagh muttered.

"What does sexy mean?" Eragon asked.

"It's what you are," Kate replied.

"Five year old," Ally and Amy said at the same time.

"Shut up, both of you!" Eragon shouted.

"Hey! You guys need to learn to sing it first," Paige yelled.

Both boys groaned.

"Here are the lyrics!" Ally shouted.

"Okay, Murtagh you sing Verse 1, and Eragon, do the bridge. We'll take it from there," Paige ordered.

Murtagh read Verse 1 in a very bored voice:

"I'm bringing sexy back.  
Them other boys don't know how to act.  
I think you're special what's behind your back.  
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.  
Take em' to the bridge."

"Wrong!" Kit screamed from the outside of the tent.

"Not you too," Murtagh groaned.

"First of all, make your voice deeper. Second of all, you've gotta put some attitude into it. Third of all, make the words bounce some," Kit corrected.

Murtagh stared at her.

Paige groaned, "You listened to it, didn't you?"

"Reluctantly," Murtagh replied.

"Then what's the problem?" she asked.

"I don't want to do this," Murtagh answered.

"Well, that's just too bad," Amy said.

Eventually, Murtagh got Verse 1 down. Ally actually fainted when he sang it. They all gave her a weird look. She just shrugged when she came to.

Eragon looked at the bridge. "Why is the baby dirty?" he asked.

Ally started laughing. She was leaning on Amy and Kate by the end of it for support.

"Um, does anyone else want to explain it to him?" Amy asked uncomfortably, shifting her eyes.

"Okay, Eragon," Ally began. "Baby is an affectionate term for somebody who is physically attractive. Dirty is referring to…um…procreation. Dirty procreation."

"What kind of baby procreates?" Eragon shouted.

Ally and Murtagh both smacked their heads.

Kate took over. "She explained baby already. It's what you call the person you like. Are would be baby to you."

Eragon nodded slowly, and then asked, "Wait, how did you know that?"

"We know thing," Amy said, smiling creepily.

Eragon looked slightly scared. Murtagh whispered something to him, and he nodded slowly. Eventually, Eragon got the bridge. Then, both boys finally got the song.

"Now, we're gonna put it together. Got it?" Kate said. "Now, Murtagh, hit it."

Murtagh began:

"I'm bringing sexy back.  
Them other boys don't know how to act.  
I think you're special what's behind your back?  
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.  
Take em' to the bridge."

Eragon sang out:

"Dirty babe,

You see these shackles.

Baby, I'm your slave.

I'll you whip me if I misbehave.

It's just no one makes me feel this way.

Take 'em to the chorus."

They finished it. You know the song.

"Next, we're gonna do that song that doesn't die: Baby Got Back," Paige announced, holding her i-pod. "I think you're ready for it."

The looks of horror on Murtagh's face was apparent. Eragon just looked confused.

"Did somebody I like come back?" he asked. "'Got back' isn't proper grammar by the way."

"None of it is," Murtagh wheezed. He did NOT want to sing this song.

"Do you really wanna be a simp?" Ally asked. Everyone stared at her.

"You know, 'A lot of simps won't like this song. 'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it…'"

"Yeah, Ally, um, you can stop singing now," Amy said.

Ally shrugged.

"Look, we'll be nice and start it for you," Paige offered. "Who want to be Becky?" she asked.

"I'll do it," Kit said, raising her hand.

Paige began, "Like oh my God. Becky, look at her butt. It's so big."

Kit scoffed and said, "She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends."

"But you know who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean, her butt is just so big."

Kit scoffed again and said, "I can't believe it's so round. It's just out there. I mean, gross. Look! She's just so- black."

Here, Ally, Kate, and Amy hit Murtagh and Eragon over the head to remind them to start.

"I like big butts, and I can not lie.  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing.  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring.  
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha  
And take your picture.  
My homeboys tried to warn me,  
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny.  
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin.  
You say you wanna get in my Benz?  
Well, use me, use me  
'Cause you ain't that average groupy.  
I've seen them dancin'.  
The hell with romancin'.  
She's sweat, wet,  
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette.  
I'm tired of magazines  
Sayin' flat butts are the thing.  
Take the average black man and ask him that.  
She gotta pack much back.  
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)  
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)  
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)  
Shake that healthy butt!  
Baby got back!"

Here, all the girls in the tent shouted, "Baby got back!" They didn't even notice the two additional female voices.

"Murtagh, you go alone," Ally ordered. "Eragon's next verse."

"I like 'em round, and big  
And when I'm throwin' a gig  
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal.  
Now here's my scandal.  
I wanna get you home.  
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh.  
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy.  
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys.  
I want 'em real thick and juicy,  
So find that juicy double.  
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble.  
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble.  
So I'm lookin' at rock videos.  
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes.  
You can have them bimbos.  
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo.  
A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya.  
I won't cuss or hit ya.  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna f---  
Til the break of dawn."

At this point, the laughter in the room had gotten so loud, especially from the tent entrance.

Murtagh stopped and turned. Nasuada was standing in the tent entrance looking rather perturbed. Arya was leaning on her for support. Tears of laughter were rolling down the elves face.

"Oh, hey!" Ally yelled brightly. "We were teaching them about our definition of music. It's called rap."

"Murtagh, why were you singing that?" Nasuada asked.

"They made me," he said, pointing at the group of girls. Ally and Amy waved proudly. Kate said, "We were gonna have them sing 'Get Low,' the guy part on 'My Humps,' and the guy part on 'Beep.'"

Nasuada nodded slowly. Arya's laughter was beginning to die down. Eragon was looking slightly hurt.

"How long have you been here?" Murtagh asked.

"Since the beginning of the one where they kept using the word sexy," Nasuada replied.

Murtagh groaned.

"Where there others?" Nasuada asked. Apparently, the thought of Eragon and Murtagh singing more songs was too much for Arya. She collapsed with laughter again. Nasuada actually joined her this time.

Everyone stared at them.

"I never thought I'd see an elf lose it like that," Eragon said.

Everyone else nodded in agreement. The four canon characters filed out of the tent. Well, the other three (Nasuada had recovered enough to walk) actually dragged the still hysterical Arya, but you get the picture.

Amy turned to Ally and said, "We should get cracking on our Murtagh/Nasuada match-making plans."

Ally nodded in agreement. She pulled out her laptop and began to type the next chapter with Amy.

Yes, we carry laptops with us at all times during school. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I turned fifteen yesterday. There was an interesting locker-wrapping experience. (Basically, Amy distracted me while Nicole and Noelle wrapped it. 'Twas interesting.) Here is the new birthday song Amy made up:

Yesterday was my birthday.

Sing a birthday song.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Party all night long.

Woot!

Post this song if you read this author's note.

I like it better than happy birthday myself. Here are the review responses. I was amazed that I got fourteen reviews one chapter five. Thank you.

Captain Julie Ellis: Thank you. Thank you very much Elvis, as quoted by Jim Carey in the Mask, one of my all time favorite movies

Wildbeauty: I hope this came soon enough, though I don't think it did.

Kitkat: You deserved the honor. You really can? I actually think we would do all this stuff too.

Azulcat: They were gonna rap more (that was on the list), but I decided Nasuada and Arya had to see that sight.

Andrea Harper: The rope sounds like it's at least thirty gold. If the official thingie says it is, then it probably is. The Ultimate Pass sounds pwnsome.

Child of the Sky: I hope this lived up to your expectations.

Beckettsbabe09: Don't worry. I have a series of weird laughs, and everybody looks at me when I start using one of them. I can actually make myself laugh just by thinking of something funny. I was talking about matchmaking as in how they're going to try to hook their favorite couples up.

Iluvvincent: I was actually thinking of having them do that when you said it.

PrincessBob: 'Tis indeed ironic. Randomness is a fine word. I've gotten worse headaches (migraines that require me to go to the ER and get IVs- at least on one of the ones I've had) I assure you. I leave confuzzled reviews too, so don't worry.

Save the Pandas: More singing will come. Trust me. I think Murtagh and Arya are probably the most serious characters in the whole series, and they both lost it this chapter.

Cheesey Goodness: Murtagh is supposed to be in character in this story. It was fun making him gansta in Why Galbatorix Is Lame though.

PrettyBella: SexyBack was a good one. Thanks.

Xo-MidnightSun-ox: It's a good image, isn't it? drools slightly

Ebz: No, there couldn't. Kit is one of my friends who also happens to be in my World Cultures class. Yes, I was hinting at Murtagh/Nasuada. I'm glad you picked up on it. Don't worry. It'll lead to some funny plot stuff. I think you'll the failed match-making attempt in the next chapter. Abby doesn't actually love Eragon/Murtagh that much. (She thinks it can be well-written like any pairing can.) She just pretends she's a die hard fan girl of it to annoy Amy and sometimes me. She's going to be a die hard fan girl of it in this fic because it'll be funny. I also happen to like insanely wrong reviews. I love them.


	7. Match Making Attempt Number 1: Failed

Match Making Attempt 1: Failed

(The Not So Straight Facts of Life)

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"Why is that your disclaimer?" Amy asked Ally.

Ally shrugged. "It rhymes, and you know how much I love rhyming."

"Oh," Amy said. "You know, this is so weird. We're saying this stuff as you're typing it."

"I know," Ally said. "Well, we're saying the whole said, replied, responded, etc. thingies."

"But you just did," Amy told her.

Ally screamed and almost dropped her laptop.

"Anyway, we're supposed to be matchmaking," Amy said.

"Oh yeah. The trauma got to me," Ally replied.

"Yet it didn't traumatize you at all that the same teacher yelled at you three times on Friday for your dancing," Amy stated.

"It wasn't that bad, and he was bothering everybody. Next time, Shaun and I are getting in the middle," Ally told her.

"Not if I can help it. You will make room for the Holy Spirit," Amy replied.

"Matchmaking, remember?" Ally said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that," Amy said. "Let's go."

That Night

Ally and Amy were both dressed in all black. They had gotten Mr. L to lend them ski masks. He had decided they couldn't be doing anything too bad. He had just told them to keep whatever they needed the masks for G-rated.

They crept into Murtagh's tent.

"Okay, you get his feet; I'll get his arms," Amy said.

Ally nodded and grabbed his feet.

"Don't drag him, or bang him into anything," Amy chided.

"I haven't yet," Ally protested.

"Yet being the key word," Amy said. "Remember when you gave Nicole directions for walking backwards?"

"She just had to figure out to do exact opposite of what I told her to," Ally shrugged. "Oh my God, he's heavy. This is like carrying the Tiger Sergeant all over again. At least it's not up a hill."

"Um, Ally," Amy said pointing behind her friend's back.

Ally turned and groaned. "Spoke too soon."

"Cabbage head," Amy said. They both stifled their laughter.

Ohen watched them and thought, _I shouldn't let them do this. I really shouldn't. _But he decided to just pretend he knew nothing about the plan.

The Next Morning

Murtagh groaned and woke up. He looked around. Why was he asleep outside his tent? He got up and walked back inside. Unfortunately for Murtagh, he was not asleep outside his tent. You see dear readers; he had just walked into Nasuada's tent. As if this wasn't bad enough, Nasuada was just waking up. At least Murty was dressed.

"What are you doing?" she screamed.

"I woke up outside, and I didn't' realize it was your tent I was standing right next to," Murtagh explained.

"How does that work?" Nasuada shouted.

Murtagh thought for a moment and then groaned. "Why is it always them?" he asked.

"Why is it always who?" Nasuada demanded.

"Amy and Ally and the rest of the lunatics," Murtagh said.

"I don't think they'd do something like this," Nasuada protested.  
"Yeah, Murtagh," Amy said. "Do you have to accuse us of everything?"

"How do you keep popping up everywhere?" Murtagh asked.

"We're just special," Ally told him.

"Define special," Murtagh retorted.

Ally sat down on the ground and pulled out her laptop. She opened it and pulled up began to read, "**spe·cial** /ˈspɛʃəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation**spesh**-_uh_l Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–_adjective _

1.

of a distinct or particular kind or character: _a special kind of key. _

2.

being a particular one; particular, individual, or certain: _You'd better call the special number. _

3.

pertaining or peculiar to a particular person, thing, instance, etc.; distinctive; unique: _the special features of a plan. _

4.

having a specific or particular function, purpose, etc.: _a special messenger. _

5.

distinguished or different from what is ordinary or usual: _a special occasion; to fix something special. _

6.

extraordinary; exceptional, as in amount or degree; especial: _special importance. _

7.

being such in an exceptional degree; particularly valued: _a special friend. _

–_noun _

8.

a special person or thing.

9.

a train used for…"

"Okay, I get it," Murtagh said.

Ally clicked on the pronunciation thing. Sounds of spesh-ul rang out all over the place.

"Did someone call me?" K'tanya asked.

"Get away," everyone told her.

"Fine. I'm off to seduce the entire Surdan army," K'tanya shouted as she put her hands on her hips. She stalked off.

"Something tells me we should stop her," Nasuada stated.

Murtagh nodded. "Sorry about the whole tent thing. I don't know what happened there."

"It's fine," Nasuada shrugged. "At least we didn't wake everyone up."

"Abby," Eragon began, "what does do mean?"

Abby looked at him and smiled creepily. "Eragon, do you know the straight facts of life?"

"The what?" Eragon asked.

"Do you know where babies come from?"

The not so bright hero nodded.

"Good. Now, I'm about to tell you the not so straight facts of life," Abby told him. She whispered in his ear.

Eragon ran away screaming.

_Saphira, is that true?_ he asked his dragon.

_I don't know, but I certainly hope not,_ the blue dragon replied.

"Murtagh!" he shouted, running across the Burning Plains.

Murtagh and Nasuada were both heading towards the Surdan army camp to stop K'tanya Ravenwing from contaminating the troops when they saw Eragon running towards them.

"What is it?" Murtagh asked.

"I just had a talk with Abby and…"

"It's all lies," Murtagh cut him off.

"But you didn't even…"

"Didn't need to. Everything that she and Kate say is lies. Now, we're trying to stop a Mary Sue. Do you want to help us?" Murtagh asked.

Eragon nodded.

"Oh good," Nasuada put in. "We'll need help. This one's bad."

Murtagh nodded grimly. "You have no idea. Has she tried anything on you yet, Eragon?"

The hero shook his head.

"Well, we're going to stop her before she does," Nasuada comforted putting one arm around Eragon and one arm around Murtagh.

That chapter came within a reasonable amount of time. Kate discovered it and demanded that I update this weekend. Here are the review responses.

Captain Julie Ellis: Well, how can you not love Jim Carey? You're welcome. Traumatizing minds is what I do best. LOL. JK. That idea might actually be in the next chapter.

Kate: Haha. Very funny. Hey, did you see that e-mail Scot sent Amy? Now that's stalking for you.

Cheesey Goodness: Rap can be good, but I agree that it made the story funnier. That was what it was meant to do.

Azulcat: Neither can I. Murtagh, why did you sing those song?

Murtagh: -eye twitch- She made me do it. She's evil. They're all evil. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Anyway, on to the next review.

Becky Creighton: Whoa. Freaky. At the dance on Friday, they started playing Sexy Back, and all my friends started laughing.

The Masquerade Moth: Thanks. I love that song too. It's called Baby Got Back. Murtagh is mine, girl. M-I-N-E. See, I'm nice and spell things. That's why he loves me.

Murtagh: Nice? You're not nice. You're evil. I don't love you.

Me: He's still in that denial stage. Nix is a cool nickname. Anyway, on to the next response.

Save the Pandas: Thanks. I'm glad you thought it was funny.

Arya: Hahahhahahahaha. Hehehehehehe. Tehehehehe.

Me: It must have been funny. Even she's laughing. Anyway, on to the next response.

Anonymous Person (sarcasm): Amy, I know it's you. Mr. L was mentioned. He's going to be in the Truth or Dare chapter. He's going to tell us to keep it G-rated. I love being able to sit on my desk. Mrs. M yelled at me for sitting on my desk before class even started.

Ebz: If you didn't have a good excuse, I'd be ashamed at the uncharacteristic brevity of that last review. JK. I hope the guitar lesson went alright. Murtagh's mine!

Murtagh: We've been through this before.

Prettybella: I'm glad you're glad. I hope you liked this chapter.

Xo-MidnightSun-ox: Totally. Plus, Murtagh is bringing sexy back. Ever since Sirius and Dustfinger kicked the bucket, he's been the only boy (well, man really) who knows how to act. At least Mo still does. If you haven't read Inkheart and Inkspell, ignore that, please. And, yes, you do win.

PrincessBob: Actually, I was convinced my friend Steph made it up. Oh well. I think it's just a random not-really-a-word that popped up out of nowhere. My migraines suck. The last one only lasted about three hours because I finally found a medicine that semi-works, and I went and lay down. I love Baby Got Back. I had to make Eragon oblivious. He is so oblivious in the books. That's how I know Murtagh/Nasuada exists. Eragon noticed something there, so you know there must be.


	8. Battle for the Canon

Battle for the Canon

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Murtagh, Nasuada, and Eragon were crouching outside of a soldier's tent. There were rather disturbing sounds coming from within. Nasauda cracked first.

"Gods, she's what? Ninety pounds? Her chest cannot be as big as he says it is!" she hissed.

"Sadly, it is," Murtagh replied.

"If it's sadly, then why were you looking at it?" Nasuada retorted.

"It's a little to miss," Murtagh groaned.

They heard the sounds of someone coming.

"Mary Sue lover," Nasuada whispered, pushing Murtagh and Eragon down.

"It's alright. It's just me," a voice said.

"Orrin?" Nasuada asked incredulously, turning around to see the king of Surda dressed as a bush. "I mean, sire? This is the Burning Plains. There are no bushes here."

"Now there are," Orrin said.

"Your majesty, are you going to help us destroy the Sue?" Eragon asked eagerly.

"Well, right now I'm just hiding from her. I have walked in on the dirtiest things I have ever seen in my life five times this morning alone. And that includes the time I walked in on my parents when I was six," Orrin whimpered.

Everyone there looked at him piteously.

"The same thing happened to me when I was six," Eragon said.

"You walked in on my parents when you were six?" Orrin asked, confused.

"No, Roran and I walked in on Garrow and Marian when he was eight and I was six," Eragon corrected.

"I knew that," Orrin said defensively.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to be destroying a Sue?" Murtagh hissed. Nasuada was busy doubling over in silent laughter.

"See, Ally," Abby said, popping up randomly with Ally, "that is what you have to learn to do. If we are laughing over something and whispering, you really shouldn't start scream-laughing like you usually do."

Ally shrugged. "I'll learn it eventually."

"Why are you here?" all the canon characters present asked.

"We're here to help destroy a Sue," the entire World Cultures class announced.

Murtagh and Eragon both groaned, "Why are they all here at once?"

"Well, you see," Mr. L began, "I decided we should maintain some semblance of order, so I got them all back together. And that Sue sounds awful, so we're going to destroy it with you."

"She's not very G-rated, is she, Mr. L?" Paige asked.

Mr. L shook his head, "Her weekdays are bad, and so I hate to think what her weekends are like."

"Hey, we're supposed to be destroying a Sue here," Tess yelled. She was waiving a pitch fork, she'd put her head through the top of her oven mitt costume.

"Yeah," Kate agreed, before catching sight of Eragon. "Ooh, hey," she said after that.

Eragon looked slightly scared. "She told me what do means," he yelled, pointing at Abby.

Unfortunately, this yelling triggered K'tanya's super-sonic hearing.

She was out of the tent (fully clothed, thank God, or I might have to change the rating) and shouted, "What is the meaning of this?" Her voice sounded—wait for it—perfect.

"Mary Sue must die," Amy began to chant, waiving a picket.

Everyone, including the canon characters, began to chant with her. K'tanya used her speshul magic, but it was to no avail. Tess, who was even taller than she was, ran the pitchfork through her head. This would've killed a normal person, but we're not talking normal here.

K'tanya shouted, "Oven mitts are bad fashion," and Tess replied, "It's a Halloween costume!"

Murtagh and Eragon were afraid to touch her. They didn't know how she would take it. Nasuada had no such fears. She tackled K'tanya and began to pull her perfect Mary Sue hair. I have just been forced to take a break to describe said hair. Forgive me.

It was long, blond, and wavy. There was not a hair out of place, despite the fact that she had gotten freaky with more people than anyone should and the fact that a pitchfork had gone through her head. It also had many different highlights. They were ash blond, light brown, dark brown, red, and auburn. Don't ask me how that works. I don't know. Now, I am allowed to get back to the story.

Anyway, K'tanya's hair was unrealistically perfect until Nasuada took out her dagger and cut it off. K'tanya's hair was now boy-length. The Mary Sue's perfect, emerald-violet-deep blue eyes filled with tears.

Orrin picked up an oddly shaped rock and examined it.

"May I see that?" Murtagh asked him.

"Sure, why?" Orrin said, handing him the rock. "After all, it's a very rare specimen of –insert name of rock of your own choosing here—"

"That's nice," Murtagh said as he hefted it at K'tanya's head. Everyone else picked up oddly shaped rocks and threw them at K'tanya's head. The Mary Sue cried hard, loudly, and her nose didn't even run. Thankfully, she was vanquished, and the canon-verse was somewhat saved. It's not like the World Cultures class was causing half as much trouble as K'tanya Ravenwing had been.

Everyone was cheering wildly. Nasuada, who had been injured by K'tanya's speshulness, was being healed by Murtagh.

"We won," she yelled, jumping up before the man was done. She threw her arms around him for a moment, and then let go.

Murtagh coughed oddly. Nasuada turned slightly red. Amy and Ally made cooing noises. Murtagh glared at them. They waved.

"So, what will be next chapter?" Ally asked Amy as they walked away from the Surdan encampment.

"I think we need to try more drastic measures. It's so obvious they like each other, but they won't admit it," Amy replied. She rubbed her hands together while saying, "But we'll make them."

Okay, end of chapter eight. I hope you liked it. K'tanya's gone, and I'm sure we're all so happy. If you have any match-making ideas, feel free to submit them.

P.S. If the Eragon movie sucked and you know it, clap your hands. I'm serious. They didn't follow the book at all, and Murtagh got almost no screen time. Plus the script sucked. If you liked it, please, take no offense. It was still somewhat enjoyable. Here are the review responses.

Beckettsbabe09: Yeah, I wouldn't want your grandmother to think you're losing it or something. I hope you liked this chapter.

T.B.C.J: Thanks. I laugh writing it at times. The rapping part was so much fun.

Nikki's Evil Doppelganger: Thanks. I hope this came soon enough.

Kate: Thanks.

Cheesey Goodness: Yes, air quotes are important. In fact, I sincerely believe they shall one day rule the world.

Becky Creighton: Thanks. I was hoping this fic was unique from other parodies. Of course, all parodies should be unique. I'm glad I didn't have any typos. I hope this chapter doesn't get a dissection.

Ebz: It means shortness. Sorry I had to go all know-it-all on you. Yeah, you've said they're funny a lot, but they are. I don't know what I'd do without them. They've all been helping me write the fic.

Captain Julie Ellis: Well, I had the world cultures class help, but I tried to give all the major points to the canon characters.

Azulcat: When you wrote that, it took me a second to figure out what you meant. Then I figured it out. I used your idea and had Murtagh throw a rock at her.

Save the Pandas: It's okay. We have one worked out that will succeed. It was inspired by our school's production of Beauty and the Beast. There's one really good song in there. I loved seeing the play. We got to import guys because my school is just for guys, and the guy who played Lumier was smokin'.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Of course I know who this is. Eragon is naïve.

PrincessBob: Sorry about that. I don't think last chapter was my best work. I hope this one was better. Oh well. I wanna smack Eragon too. He got on my nerves in Eldest. Oh well. That's the problem with fantasy characters. They're not real. Bye.


	9. Cuckoo Song

Cuckoo Song

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon or the song Murtagh will be singing this chapter.

Murtagh walked back to his tent. He secured the flaps of it so that no uninvited visitors could come in there and drag to places he shouldn't be. After he was done, he turned around and groaned loudly.

Ally, Amy, and Nicole were sitting on his bedroll. The first of the group was typing this sentence on her laptop quite calmly.

"Remind me why I'm here again," Nicole said.

"We need your short intimidation skills," Ally replied.

"What skills?" Nicole asked.

"The skills you used to get Ally and me to get away from the teenage guys in the corn maze," Emily said, opening the tent flaps with ease.

"Why did you want to follow them?" Nicole groaned.

"They knew where they were going," Emily said. "Hey, Murtagh," she said, finally catching sight of the rider, who was gaping at the group in his tent.

"We were looking for you," Amy said as Ally opened up google, typed in for what she was searching, and grinned evilly when it popped up.

"I found the lyrics," she exclaimed happily.

Murtagh turned pale. "I will not sing anymore of your music!" he shouted.

"It's not bad, though. This is good music," Amy said defensively.

"Ooh, what is it?" Emily asked, looking over Ally's shoulder. "Oh, that's the cutest song. I was so happy I got to be in that show."

Murtagh sucked in his breath as he looked over Ally's shoulder. The lyrics weren't half as bad. He could actually relate them to himself. It put his feelings for Nasuada into words. Oh. Wait. He really couldn't sing this song.

"That's great," he said dully.

"I know, isn't it?" Ally asked.

"That's why it's too bad I won't sing it," Murtagh replied.

Ally glared at him. Amy did too. Murtagh glared right back

"You know, I would be glaring at you right now if I weren't incapable of frowning," Emily said. Murtagh glared back at her too.

"Hey, I didn't glare at you," she said.

"I'm not singing the song," Murtagh repeated.

"Murtagh, stop acting like a parrot!" Nicole yelled. Murtagh jumped at the sound of this short girl screaming at him with twice the lung power of Galbatorix. "You will sing Cuckoo Song," Nicole ordered. At the last two words, she suddenly became perky. Murtagh looked at her. He was very unnerved by this. He looked at the lyrics again.

"It says that song's called 'If I Can't Love Her,'" he protested.

Amy shrugged, "She just calls it Cuckoo Song." She pulled out her i-pod and said, "Listen."

Murtagh wouldn't have obeyed, but Nicole glared at him. He decided he'd better. This song was much less offensive than the other things they'd made him listen to, he had to admit. He still didn't want to sing it.

Nicole handed him a microphone, Ally's laptop with the lyrics written on it, a random piece of sheet music, and ordered, "Sing Cuckoo Song. And if anyone asks you why you sang it, tell them who reminds you of. We know who it reminds you of."

Murtagh gulped and took these items.

"It's a good thing he sings better than I do," Ally muttered to Amy.

Murtagh began to sing:

"And in my twisted face  
There's not the slightest trace  
Of anything that even hints of kindness  
And from my tortured shape  
No comfort, no escape  
I see, but deep within is utter blindness  
Hopeless  
As my dream dies  
As the time flies  
Love a lost illusion  
Helpless  
Unforgiven  
Cold and driven  
To this sad conclusion  
No beauty could move me  
No goodness improve me  
No power on earth, if I can't love her  
No passion could reach me  
No lesson could teach me  
How I could have love her and made her love me too  
If I can't love her, then who?  
Long ago I should have seen  
All the things I could have been  
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward  
No pain could be deeper  
No life could be cheaper  
No point anymore, if I can't love her  
No spirit could win me  
No hope left within me  
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free  
But it's not to be  
If I can't love her  
Let the world be done with me."

After he finished, Ally, Nicole, Amy, and Emily stood up and clapped raucously.

"Murtagh, why did you sing that?" Nasuada asked. She had heard it and come.

"Was it that bad?" the red rider asked.

Nasuada shook her head, "No, it was fine. It was better than the stuff you sang last time. It just…I don't know."

"What?" he asked. Amy and Nicole dragged Ally and Emily out of the tent.

"It just sounded like you meant it," she shrugged. "It wasn't like last time."

Murtagh had seen the annoying fangirls leave the tent, so he stepped closer to Nasuada as he said, "I did mean it. I meant it for you."

He leaned his forehead against hers and leaned down to kiss her. Nasuada's arms snaked around his neck and pulled him in deeper. Murtagh wrapped his arms around her waste as he pushed his tongue into her mouth.

Twenty Minutes Later

Ally, Amy, Nicole, and Emily were sitting outside the tent.

"They've been in there for a while, and I haven't heard them say anything for a while either," Amy said, sounding scared.

Ally shrugged. "Then it's working," she comforted.

"Just as long as I don't get corrupted," Amy said.

"Don't worry. You won't," Emily said.

"Am I really that intimidating?" Nicole asked.

"Yes," Emily and Ally said at the same time.

Just then, a group of people walked over the hill. Said group consisted of Eragon, Orrin, and Abby.

"We heard songs from 'Beauty and the Beast,'" she said suspiciously. "I told them it must be coming from here, but they wouldn't listen. We checked every other tent for the source, and now we've decided that must be it. Now, what are you hiding from me?"

"Hiding?" Ally asked. "The master's hiding nothing."

"Do you realize you just imitated Cogsworth?" Nicole hissed.

"Sorry," Ally whispered back.

"What are you hiding?" Orrin demanded. "We don't trust you completely. How do we know you're not hiding something deadly in there?"

"I told him all about you," Eragon told them.

"Well, if you must know the truth, there's very dangerous blob in there. We couldn't get rid of it, but it's trapped in the tent. I don't suggest you go in there," Amy lied.

"The blob can't exist," Emily and Abby said at the same time.

"I'm going to see what's in that tent," Abby said.

"I want to see the blob," Orrin exclaimed eagerly. "Think of the scientific significance."

"I will save the Varden from the blob!" Eragon yelled, heroically drawing his borrowed sword.

Amy, Ally, and Nicole exchanged worried glances.

"The blob can't exist," Emily kept insisting.

None of the three listened to her. Eragon sliced open the tent door. He froze. Orrin and Abby peaked around him and froze.

Murtagh was sitting on a table, and Nasuada had climbed onto his lap. His hands were on her hips, and her hands were cupping his face. They were kissing passionately. They were also completely oblivious to their newly acquired audience.

"Stop the fan fic!" Amy screamed. No one listened to her, not even Murtagh or Nasuada. They kept right on going.

"That's not a blob," Orrin said weakly. Neither Murtagh nor Nasuada heard him.

Eragon was shaking his head and mumbling, "I did not need to see that. I did not need to see that." Once again, Murtagh and Nasuada failed to hear him.

Abby had sunken to her knees. She threw her hands into the air and yelled, "My plans! My beautiful plans! Ruined." She then fainted quite dramatically. Nasuada unglued herself from Murtagh when Abby said that. They both turned to look at and then at their "audience."

Unfortunately, Jörmundur had run into the tent saying, "I heard a blob was attacking," just before Nasuada broke the kiss.

He stared at them both. "Nasuada, what would your father say?" he demanded after he regained his power of speech.

"I'm not really sure," she said.

Jörmundur continued to stare, his eye twitching slightly. "Please, get off him. I can't concentrate," he muttered.

Nasuada and Murtagh took a moment to untangle themselves. Jörmundur's eye twitch started getting worse.

"It's actually not that bad," Orrin said. "I've seen worse. Gods, when that Sue was loose among my army…Oh, I can't even begin to describe it." This went over the second-in-command of the Varden's head.

"Nasuada, you are leader of the Varden! You cannot conduct yourself in this manner! You could…you could…you could….well," Jörmundur tried to say. "What I'm trying to say is…well…you could….um."

Murtagh cut him off. "Stop harassing her. I started it, and we weren't going to do anything."

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Jörmundur asked.

"Stop the fan fic!" Amy yelled just as loudly.

"What's a fan fic?" Eragon and Orrin both asked.

Everybody else ignored her. Jörmundur was trying to think of a polite way to say what he wanted to say.

"That's it!" Amy yelled. "I'm going to Middle Earth to find Legolas!"

She stalked off as everyone else watched Jörmundur. After ten minutes, he finally managed to say, "You could get in the…you know," he said, dropping his voice, "the heavy way."

"I'd marry her if that happened," Murtagh said defensively.

"I don't believe that," Jörmundur shouted.

"Well, I do," Nasuada said. She wrapped her arms around Murtagh's neck, and poor Jörmundur's eye twitch returned.

"I'll talk to you both later," he said, walking out of the tent.

Arya walked into the tent and said, "I heard something about a blob."

"For the hundred-millionth time, the blob cannot exist. It's a giant single cell, and its surface-to-volume ratio would too small. It'd suffocate within minutes!" Emily shouted.

Nicole, Ally, and Abby all nodded fiercely.

"Yeah, how can you not know that?" Amy said. She had returned, and she was clinging rather possessively to the arm of a rather uncomfortable and very hot looking male elf. They all turned to face her. Arya's eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. This Legolas was one hot elf.

Wow. That was a long chapter. And I put in a cliffy! I'm so proud of me! Squee! And I rhymed. Yay! Rhyming. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Save the Pandas: Yes, he is rather upset right now. I am happy to say that he is in therapy and will no doubt come to realize the terror from which he has been spared. That was a good match-making idea, but I really wanted to do Cuckoo Song.

Amy: I can't believe I forgot about testing her hair for the presence of starch! Oh well. Like you said, cutting it works too. I lost the game. Da…I mean dignibit.

H.l.stealth: Actually, I laughed when I saw the movie. It'd be hard to say what made me laugh harder: the scene where Brom dies (would've made me cry but for the cheesy lines) or the scene during the battle where Murtagh's banging on the cages and yelling, "Let me out of here." It sucked so badly, didn't it? I thought the guy who played him was hot though, and he was pretty good. I just wish he'd been given more screen time. I can totally see Eragon running screaming across the Burning Plains too. I think I will make fun of the movie somehow or another.

Captain Julie Ellis: I too am overjoyed at K'tanya's demise. Ick. Formal talk. Anyhoo, the lord of the chickens and llamas must be a great one. I might somehow or another bring K'tanya, the ever-so-speshul spirit into the story. I think I have a good idea of when she might come back in actually.

Ebz: Glad you liked it. It was fun to write her death scene. She deserved it all. There was a random Surdan soldier in the tent with her. I hope the Murtagh/Nasuada-ness of this chapter didn't make you cry too hard. I tried to throw some humor into it. (A lot, actually.) I just hope you didn't develop an eye-twitch like Jörmundur did.

Blizzardstar2000: Killing off K'tanya was fuh-uh-un. Great, now I sound drunk like it did yesterday when I sang Joy to the World during before-break mass. (Kate said it was hilarious how many people started staring at me.) Murtagh and Nasuada got together this chapter, as you can see. I hope you liked how I did it.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Oh yeah. The movie sucked. I've ranted about it to more people than is healthy. I can think of four good things about it: Saphira, Brom, Murtagh's hotness, and Eragon without his shirt. That's it. Everything else sucked.

Russanodry: Thanks. I will.

Nikki's Evil Doppelganger: It did work. I tried to make it funny. I hope I succeeded.

Cheesey Goodnes: Yes, you do.

SilverAurora: That's fine. I do agree with you on those two points. I'm glad you like this.

Beckettsbabe09: I'm doing my own happy dance here. Yes, the movie sucked. If you go see it, bring a friend to make snide comments to. You don't wanna have to make them to the person next to you unless you know them.


	10. In Which Ally Learns the Value of Filter

In Which Ally Learns the Values of Filters

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Nasuada and Murtagh were both sitting down beside the fire. The latter put had his arm around the former.

"So, how did you 'talk' with Jörmundur go?" Murtagh asked.

"Well, I just hope I didn't offend him," Nasuada said.

"How would you offend him?" Murtagh asked.

"I fell asleep three times," the Varden's leader confessed.

_If it makes you feel any better,_ Thorn said, _Murtagh fell asleep five times, and I fell asleep six times. _

"Well, I don't feel so bad anymore," Nasuada said. She leaned up and kissed Murtagh.

The Next Day

Ally was sitting with a group of Varden gossips.

"I heard Nasuada and Orrin are in love and getting married," one of the girls said.

Ally chortled slightly.

"Why are you laughing?" another girl asked. "It's probably true."

Ally shook her head and smiled.

"What do you know that we don't?" they asked.

"I'm not really supposed to tell you," she said as she inspected her nails and played with her watch clasp.

"Um, aren't you a little young to be with King Orrin?" another girl asked.

Ally stopped suddenly.

"I'm fifteen. Of course I'm too young," she yelled. "What I meant was that Nasuada is in love with Murtagh," she continued as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?" every single gossip in the group asked.

"They were this close to doing it in his tent last night," Ally explained.

"Ohmigod!" they all yelled.

"Oh. Wait," Ally said. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

"No, you weren't," Murtagh said, walking over.

Ohen snorted.

_Bad dragon,_ Ally chided.

_It's not my fault you have poor judgment and a big mouth,_ the little green dragon continued.

Ally stuck out her tongue at it.

The dragon grinned. _That was so childish,_ it said.

Ally rolled her eyes. The dragon, being the male that it was, completely missed the universal sign of contempt.

Murtagh walked slowly towards her. "I'm going to kill you!" he roared. His sanity had snapped.

Ally shrieked and began to run. Murtagh followed closely behind her.

Meanwhile, the World Cultures class walked over.

"Why is Murtagh chasing Ally?" Tess asked.

"I think it's because she told the entire Varden what almost went down with him and Nasuada last night," Kate said.

"Pure and uncorrupted," Amy chided.

"You really should keep that in mind around me," Legolas mumbled. Amy was clinging possessively to his arm.

_Why did I have to get stuck with a crazed fan girl?_ he asked himself.

"Because I'm awesome like that," Amy answered.

"How can you hear my thought?" he asked.

"Uh, Legolas," Meg said, "you were talking out loud."

"Yeah," Kit nodded. "You've gotta stop that. You don't want Amy thinking she actually can hear your thoughts."

"She might make you get married," Abby said.

"Good idea!" Amy yelled.

Legolas groaned.

"But for now, I've got popcorn!" Paige shouted.

Thus, the entire World Cultures class and Legolas sat down and began to gorge themselves on popcorn while watching Ally run for her life.

Mr. L walked up and asked, "What is going on?"

"Ally told the entire Varden about Murtagh and Nasuada," Paige explained.

"Well, ladies," the teacher began, "I hope this shows you why you need to develop your filter."

"Filter?" Legolas asked in his hot British accent.

"You see, there's this filter that goes between your brain and your mouth, and it stops you from saying what you really shouldn't say. The catch is, you have to develop it. Ally doesn't seem to be doing so well with," Mr. L explained.

"Ah," Legolas explained. He was still using his hot British accent.

Arya and Nasuada walked up. The former almost swooned when she heard him speak, and the latter stared at the strange sight before her eyes.

"Why is Murtagh trying to kill Ally?" she asked.

Everyone looked at each other. Before they had time to think up a creative lie, a Varden gossip came up to her leader and asked, "Nasuada, is it true that you and Murtagh are lovers?"

Nasuada glared at her, and the girl ran off to tell her friends that the gossip was true.

"Who told them that?" she demanded. Arya and Legolas were too busy looking into each other's eyes to answer. Amy was too busy fuming to answer.

Therefore, it fell on Abby's shoulders to lie and say, "It was Trianna."

Nasuada walked over to Du Vrangr Gatas leader and began to yell at her. Now, this was a very interesting sight. Murtagh was still chasing Ally, who was shrieking like madwoman. Amy was trying to pull Legolas away from Arya. Arya was trying to pull him back. Legolas was objecting to being part of this tug-of-war. Eragon had come up and joined in the popcorn eating while trying to stay as far away from Kate as possible. He was also sobbing hysterically because Arya was undoubtedly head-over-heels for the newly arrived elf. Nasuada was berating Trianna, who was trying to figure out exactly what she had done wrong. 'Twas getting chaotic to say the least.

Then, Murtagh ran out of breath and stopped chasing Ally. Unfortunately, the teen's adrenaline was still going, and she had not noticed that Murtagh had stopped chasing. She continued to run around in circle's shrieking like a madwoman.

"Should we tell her it's safe to stop?" Meg asked.

"Nah, just let her keep going," Kate said. She threw a piece of popcorn into the air and caught it in her mouth.

"How did you do that?" Eragon asked. He had stopped sobbing hysterically, at least for the moment.

Kate did it again while explaining exactly how to catch popcorn in her mouth.

At last, Abby took pity on Ally and grabbed her dress by the sash.

"Abby, let me go. I'm trying to run for my life," she shrieked.

"Um, Ally," Meg said, pointing at the sitting Murtagh.

"Oh," she said.

Nasuada stopped yelling at Trianna and asked, "Murtagh, why were you chasing her?"

"She told them about us," Murtagh panted, pointing at Ally.

"No, that was Trianna," Nasuada corrected.

"No, I saw Ally telling them about it. Wait. Did they tell you it was Trianna?" the red rider asked, pointing at the World Cultures class while saying they.

Nasuada stood still for a few seconds before she yelled, "Ally!"

The latter groaned and asked, "Why must I run for my life twice in one day?" as she got up and began to run for her life for the second time today.

Two Hours Later

_How is it that she can keep running longer than you can?_ Thorn asked.

Murtagh shrugged. Nasuada was still trying to kill Ally.

"Female hormones," Mr. L explained.

"Hey!" the entire class shouted.

"This is getting better. A few months ago, I could have said, 'Women are inferior,' and you would have said, 'Mr. L, how do you spell inferior?'" he said.

"How do you spell inferior?" Emily asked.

"Emily, can you see the pain?" he asked, pointing at his forehead. The entire class laughed.

Finally, Nasuada gave up trying to kill Ally.

"Hey, I've got an idea," Kate yelled as both girls sat down.

"What?" everyone asked. Amy looked scared. So did every member of the Varden.

"Is it G-rated?" Mr. L asked.

"It depends what you think of Truth or Dare," Kate said with a smile.

Ooh. I put in a cliffy. Feel free to suggest any odd dares or truths that you wish to. This story is probably going to be over in three or four chapters.

Merielrose: I love Murtagh and Nasuada too. CP had better put them together in the books, or I'll have to join you in your emo corner.

Beckettsbabe09: I'm glad you liked the way I put them together. It was fun to do.

PrincessBob: Yes, it would be. That is, if Amy doesn't explode with jealousy.

Captain Julie Ellis: I love Legolas too. And so does Amy. Well, she loves him more than I. I love Aragorn the most.

Cheesey Goodness: Thanks.

Save the pandas: I thought that was one of the sweetest, most touching songs I've ever heard. The only possible exception is that one song from Dreamgirls. I saw it last night. If you haven't, ignore that comment.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: LOL. I live to break your heart. That didn't sound right. Oh well. Murtagh/Nasuada is better than Murtagh/Eragon. Ha. Ha. Legolas/Arya is so better than Eragon/Arya. I would prefer Murtagh/Eragon to that pairing. I really would.

Maddee: Yes, the party is just getting started. Truth or Dare is the party. The fate of the Sue will be decided by the last chapter. Durza'll come into the story in finale chapter.

Ebz: I'm proud of you too. I'm glad you thought it was funny, and I hope you thought this chapter was funny.

Nikki's Evil Doppelganger: Poor Jörmundur indeed. I just couldn't resist making fun of him. If Ajihad were still alive, that chapter would have been even funnier. Oh well. Thanks, and I hope this update came soon enough, though it probably didn't.


	11. Let the Insanity Begin

Let the Insanity Begin

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"Well, if the rules work, it can stay G-rated," Mr. L said after a moments thought.

Amy stopped playing tug-of-war with Legolas and got up to yell, "Alright. Let's get started. Rule number 1: Abby cannot play."

The slash lover looked rather offended by this one

Amy continued with, "Rule number 2: The dares must not change the rating, KATE! Rule number 3: Abby must be bound, gagged, and locked in a sound-proof closet that can only be opened from the outside during the duration of the game. Rule number 4: The dares may not contain the rules do, screw and any other kinds of tools, wall, or floor."

"I would add table to that list," Ally suggested. Amy nodded. She then yelled, "KATE!"

"They know me," she shrugged when everyone in the room who was not from Earth stared at her.

"Continuing," Amy shouted. "Rule number 5…"

"There can only be five rules, and that counted as a rule," Kate said. She knew full well that Amy had been about to lock her up like Abby. She was not going to stand for that.

Amy took a deep breath and agreed. She then raised her hands over her head and yelled, "Let the insanity begin."

"Wait," Murtagh said. "You haven't even told us how to play."

"Isn't the name of the game pretty self-explanatory?" Tess asked.

All the Alagaësians shook their heads.

"It's really simple," Ally said. "You call on somebody and ask them, 'Truth or Dare.' Except that'll take forever because everyone's not gonna know who to call on, so let's just have everyone put their names down on pieces of paper, and the first person to go draws. Anyway, you ask the person's whose name you've just drawn, 'Truth or Dare?' Once you do that, they tell you which one they want. If the answer is truth, you answer it truthfully. If they choose dare, they must do whatever you tell them to do."

All the Alagaësians mouths dropped open.

"You're playing," Nicole barked as they tried to get up.

"So," Ally said, getting out a piece of paper and a pen, "we have me, Kate, Amy, Nicole, Tess, Kit, Meg, and Emily. We also have Mr. L, Legolas, Trianna, Eragon, Nasuada, Murtagh, Arya, and could somebody get Orrin, Katrina, and Roran?"

Nicole ran to get them. She came back a few minutes later with the aforementioned people in tow.

"Oh, Ally, would you mind if I stayed out and was a supervisor?" Mr. L asked.

"Whatever you want," she shrugged.

"Wait, what's going?" Roran and Katrina asked.

"If they're involved, it can't be good," Orrin whispered to the two.

"Hey," the entire World Cultures class yelled.

Kate sat them down and explained how to play. Ally was too lazy to explain again.

"Anything?" Orrin asked in a strangled voice.

Kate nodded.

"How bad can it be?" Roran asked.

"Yeah, they're just teenage girls," Katrina snorted.

Roran's eyes widened in horror. His thoughts had doubtlessly turned to Katrina's friends. They didn't seem to be pleasant thoughts, but I'm just a casual observer. He could be marveling at his future wife's good taste in friends. I sincerely doubt that, but you never know.

"Anyway, I think I should start since I made most of the rules," Amy said, once Abby had been bound gagged, and locked away in the appropriate closet. She pulled a name out of the hat.

"Ally, truth or dare?" she asked.

"Truth," Ally, who was a coward, answered.

"What were you thinking when you started dancing with your boyfriend right in front of Mrs. K?" she asked.

"I didn't see her," Ally asked.

"You didn't answer the question," Amy said.

"I thought it would be more fun if I was dancing with him than if I wasn't," Ally offered.

"You didn't make room for the Holy Spirit," Amy muttered. She passed Ally the names jar.

"Kate," Ally began, "truth or dare?"

"Dare," Kate said.

"Hug Eragon," Ally ordered.

Kate got up and wrapped her arms around the poor rider's waist.

"I can't breath," he gasped. "My ribs. My arms. I'm bruising."

Kate finally let go of him.

He looked at Ally and asked, "Why?" as everyone else chortled with laughter.

"Stop laughing or I'll dare her to hug you," he threatened. Ally and Amy were the only ones who shut up. They had been hugged by Kate before.

He drew a name from the container.

"Murtagh," he began, "truth or dare?"

"Truth," he said, deciding it was safest. He didn't like the vengeful glint in his brother's eye.

"Chicken," Kate muttered.

"Chicken," Ally echoed.

"You picked truth!" he shrieked at her.

"I'm a girl. I've got an excuse," she smiled.

Murtagh gulped and said, "I'll pick dare."

Eragon smiled. "Tell Angela you're in love with her," he said with a grin.

Murtagh's mouth dropped open. "I can't she hates me. She'll kill me."

Every single person in the room was laughing at his expense.

_You'd best go do your dare,_ he heard Thorn chortle.

Murtagh gulped and left the tent.

"Somebody, go with him to make sure he does it," Ally yelled as she rolled on the floor clutching her side.

Every single person in the tent, including Mr. L, left it. They all hid in random places as Murtagh walked into Angela's tent.

"Um, Angela, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and um, I don't know how to say this but um…" they heard the thoroughly embarrassed rider beginning.

"Just tell me what you need to tell me and stop procrastinating. That's a lovely word, isn't it?" they heard Angela say.

"Um, I have discovered as of late that I am in love with you," Murtagh said. A few seconds later, they saw Angela throwing Murtagh out of her tent while beating him over the head with a book entitled: Frogs, Not Toads and screaming things that sounded like, "Cradle-robbing. Idiocy. Daftness. Perv," and so on and so forth.

Finally they all trooped back to the tent. Everybody, except Murtagh, was laughing hysterically.

"Well, Murtagh," Nasuada managed to gasp, "I suppose if you're in love with Angela, I'll just have to move on and…and…and…oh gods, this is just too funny."

"I'll take you since he's rejected you," Orrin offered, barely managing to keep a straight face. "I don't exactly admire his taste, but…" Both people collapsed with laughter.

"Oh, I can hardly breathe for laughing," Murtagh said sarcastically. Unfortunately, this made everyone laugh harder.

"I know the feeling," Kit managed to gasp.

"That's the spirit," Paige yelled before being overwhelmed by giggles.

"Ohmigod, this is so not funny. Why am I laughing?" Emily shouted.

"I don't even understand what's going on, and I think it's funny," Legolas yelled.

Arya snorted right along with him. Legolas gave her a weird look, and then shrugged.

Ten Minutes Later

Everyone had finally stopped laughing, and they'd all made their way back to the tent.

Murtagh reached into the hat and pulled out a name.

"Eragon," he said, "truth or dare?"

So, what should Eragon's humiliating truth or dare be? Anyway, there will be another chapter of truth or dare and then the grand finale. Well, maybe there will be two more chapters of truth or dare, but who care? Send in any truths or dare that come to your mind. Here are the review responses.

Bookluvr101: Thanks. It is random, isn't it? Ah, how I love randomness.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Yes, I would. That is how much I hate the pairing.

PrincessBob: Well, he almost imploded when Kate hugged him. Running for your life is fun. Unless of course, you're the person running for your life. Anyway, moving along. Great, now Move Along is stuck in my head.

Friendlyfangirl: I brought in Roran, Katrina, and Trianna, and that will almost definitely be a dare.

Beckettsbabe09: Legolas is the bestest. Except for Aragorn. He's the bestest. But I like Legolas. He is hot. Aragorn's just hotter. Don't shoot me. At least Legolas is in the story. He's proving to be quite fun.

Ebz: Yeah, that probably sums up Mr. L. He's one of the best teachers I've ever had. Yeah, we have to tie it, but mine always comes undone, and so does everyone else's, and nobody really notices. The only problem is that sometimes the sash gets ripped off. The sash on one of my Madeline outfits is partially, but not too noticeably, ripped off. It's still on there at least.

Wolfgren: Ah, yes, but what kind of pudding? I am curious, for you have enlightened me to a new description of my story. Ugh. I'll stop acting like a geek and move along.

Captain Julie Ellis: Well, technically, we have to keep it T, but I won't overdo it. I love Legolas and Murtagh too. But then again, who doesn't? I'm glad the running-for-my-life thing was so hilarious. I'd hoped it would be.

Theo Stollers Lover: Yes, Movie! Murtagh was so much hotter than Movie! Eragon. That was one of the four things I liked about the movie. The rest sucked. I'm glad you liked it. Everyone needs Murtagh fics. He's only the awesomest Eragon character ever. He was so under-represented in the movie. Ten minutes wasn't enough when you consider that he was in half the book. But you haven't read the books, so I'll shut up. I need a filter.

Cheesey Goodness: I hope you liked this start of this awesome game. It is the nuttiest, coolest, most chaotic thing ever invented. You can have bad experiences with it, but that just makes it funnier to read about other people having bad experiences about it. After all, isn't humor something bad that happens to someone else?


	12. More Truth or Dare

More Truth or Dare

Disclaimer: Do have any idea how rich I'd be if I owned all the stuff I've disclaimer? LoTR and Inheritance? I'd be really fricking rich and really fricking dead, and I most definitely would not be writing this.

Eragon didn't think. He said, "Dare." Murtagh grinned even more evilly.

"Make out with Kate," he ordered.

"Make out?" he asked. "What's that?"

Kate leapt up and jumped on him. She started making out with him.

Eragon stopped. An expression of shock crossed his face.

"Wow," he mumbled.

THIS BROADCAST HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE.

Hello. This is a random person just trying to tell everyone that this dare is not appropriate for this truth or dare game. It goes against an understated rule that Kate must not perform any inappropriate actions in this fanfic. Thank you and have a nice day. P.S. Legolas is mine.

At that moment, Ally stopped Amy from commandeering her laptop for another second.

"Unfortunately, she's right," Ally said. "Murtagh, you need to give him another dare."

"What?" Eragon asked weakly.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad," Kate chided.

"That's not it," Eragon protested. "I just don't want to give him another opportunity to be more maniacal."  
"Too bad," Ally said. She was being very protective of her laptop at this moment. "You can change to truth though."

"Thank you!" Eragon yelled. He ran up and hugged Ally.

"Sorry, but your brother's hotter," she said.

"No, Eragon's hotter," Kate put in.

Thus, a full fan girl argument was unleashed. Abby actually broke out of the closet to vouch for Murtagh's hotness. Another friend, Jade, popped up randomly to defend Eragon hotness. It was three against two. (Well, Kate wasn't afraid to say anything, so it was more like three against three.) The rest of the class didn't care.

"Leave me out of this," Kit and Nicole both muttered.

Nasuada looked rather angry at them all.

"Okay, executive decision time," she shouted. "My man's hotter. Get over it."

"Oh, but Eragon is so cute," Jade groaned. "Besides, how come you get to make executive decisions?"

"I'm the leader of the Varden," Nasuada said.

"What's the Varden?" Jade asked.

"She hasn't read the book, has she?" Paige asked. Amy and Ally shook their heads.

"Jade, how did you get here?" Emily asked.

"Eragon-senses," she replied.

Eragon's eyes widened even more at this new level of obsession. Why did he get two crazed fan girls? Why?

"Hehe, he looks like Spongebob," Abby pointed out. All the earthlings started laughing. Jade was the only one who didn't laugh.

"He's cute!" she protested.

"We're supposed to be playing truth or dare," Meg remarked. Everyone stopped and returned to the truth or dare game.

"Anyway, Eragon, tell us about your first stab at romance. If you've had one," Murtagh said.

"You're so mean to him," Nasuada whispered teasingly.

"Sibling rivalry," he replied.

Trianna put her face in her hands and went bright red as Eragon recounted her attempts to seduce him, his near compliance, and Saphira's interruption.

Eragon had taken a half an hour to tell the whole thing.

_That was a good move on my part, wasn't it?_ Saphira asked Thorn and Ohen who had been sitting outside the tent waiting for their riders to finish the humiliating game. Actually, they were finding the whole thing rather amusing.

_It was,_ Thorn agreed.

_I've never really interfered with Amy and Ally, but they're not really my riders. I'm just a free soul,_ Ohen put in.

_Aw, little rebel,_ Saphira muttered to Thorn.

_Hey!_ the little green dragon yelled.

Meanwhile, back in the tent.

Amy had added Jade's name to the container, and they had subdued Abby once again. Eragon stuck his hand into the container and read out, "Arya, truth or dare?"

Arya decided to be practical and pick truth. She had seen enough of the dares to not pick dare.

Eragon thought for a moment. He'd had a dare picked out but not a truth. Finally, he asked the only one he could think of.

"What is your middle name?" he asked.

Arya paused for a moment. "You have to answer it Arya," Ally said.

She brushed the girl aside and answered, "Holyfíldrienda."

"That's long," Tess said.

"I know. It's like six syllables," Emily added.

"Corn," Nicole remembered to say.

Everyone not from Earth stared at her.

"Every time she says the word like we have to say corn," Nicole explained. "It's long story."

"Well, you see," Emily added, "we went into a corn maze, and I was scared because I thought the corn was going to eat me. So one of Tess' friends decides to start saying corn every time I say like."

All the Alagaësians and Legolas scooted away from the Earthlings. Mr. L was laughing in the background.

"Anyway," Arya said as she drew a name from the container, "Kit, truth or dare?"

"Truth, since everyone else is a coward," Kit replied.

Now, Arya wasn't in a very creative mood so she asked Kit the same question Eragon had asked her.

Kit fought a laugh before mimicking a pouting second-grader and saying, "My middle name's Stewart. It means I'm a princess."

Ally laughed, and everyone else stared at her.

"Well, when I was little, I hated my middle name. My dad used to tell me it was after the Stewarts who ruled England. In second grade, we had to line in alphabetical order using our middle names, and I was really mad about having to say mine, so I said, 'My middle name's Stewart. It means I'm a princess.'"

Everyone got the joke and laughed.

Kit drew a name and said, "Roran, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Roran gulped.

"Hmm," Kit said. Ally leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

"Slow dance with Trianna," Kit dared. Katrina gave him a death glare, but Roran had been dared. Poor boy.

Somebody pulled out a laptop and played, "You're Beautiful."

Trianna and Roran had to dance the duration of this song. Katrina almost got a hernia from glaring so hard. Roran had pushed Trianna as far away from himself as possible. The latter was more than a little scared of Katrina, so she was doing the same thing.

Finally, it was over. Katrina wouldn't let Roran sit next to her, so he was stuck between Eragon and Murtagh, who were both glaring at each other because of the dares they had given each other. Once again, poor boy.

He pulled the name out of the container and said, "Nasuada, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she said bravely.

"I suddenly feel the need to create more domestic problems. Slow dance with Orrin to that same song," Roran dared.

Murtagh glared at his cousin, who just waved back.

Nasuada and Orrin started laughing hysterically at the idiocy of the song. (I used to like it, but it's been over-played.) They also stayed apart, like Roran and Trianna had done. It would have been even more awkward at the song. Murtagh glared at Orrin a little but realized he hadn't meant any harm. He decided to glare at Kate, who had suggested the game in the first place.

Nasuada sat down between Murtagh and Roran, who was still being glared at by the former. She pulled out a name and read, "Kate, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Kate chose confidently.

Nasuada's voice was disturbingly saccharine as she said, "Tell Jörmundur that you want to do everything you said you wanted to do to Eragon to him."

Kate got up and bravely went to the tent of the Varden's second-in-command. Sounds of, "Why must I endure this torture?" rang out. Kate walked back.

"He didn't take it too well," she remarked.

"We heard," everyone said.

Kate drew a name and called out, "Orrin, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Orrin decided. Everyone had started picking that option again, and his reputation was no longer safe.

"Tell Jörmundur that he's ugly and would look so much better if he died his hair purple," Kate declared.

"But think of the diplomatic stress that'll cause!" the king of Surda yelled.

"You can blame it on us later," Ally offered.

"Fine," the king declared as he stomped out of the tent.

"Why does it continue?" they heard Jörmundur screaming.

Mr. L looked at everyone and said, "You should really stop torturing that poor man."

"Better him than me," Murtagh muttered. "They drove me half insane."

Paige heard him talking and said, "Watch it."

Murtagh shut up. He knew they could enact more revenge if they so desired to do so. Nothing was impossible in this game and this fic with its twisted lack of plot.

Yes, that's the end of chapter 12. I'm going to make this fic go on for another two chapters. Anyway, who should be truth or dared next? What should they pick? What should their question/dare be? Please, give me your opinions. Anyway, here are the review responses. I only got nine. –sobs- I know. It's pathetic, but you've spoiled me so much I've come to expect ten a chapter. Can I get that many this chapter? Please?

Legolasismineandnoothers: Amy. Shut up. LOL. JK. I know you won't kill me even if you do know where I go to school and can quickly discover where I live. But you can't drive, and you don't know where it is so…never mind.

Saphiraskays: Who doesn't love Murtagh?

Amaris: Yeah, truth or dare is pwnsome.

Edur Carthungave: You're forgiven for your misspelling. Those are good dares. They may come up in the next chapter. (At least, one of them will be.) I might use the second one for Leggie's dare.

Friendlyfangirl: I used all your ideas in this chapter, some of my own, and one other reviewer's idea. Thanks so much for the ideas. They were good.

PrincessBob: I think "Move Along" is one of those songs that can get stuck in your head like that. It's almost as contagious as "1-2 Step," "Fergielicious," and "Get Low." Those are my contagious songs. Oh, and there were these three bands songs I had to play that got stuck in my head constantly. I had one of them stuck in my head during my first Bio test of the year, and I got an 80. Actually, that was more likely because I didn't know which axis the dependent variable went on and which one the independent went on, but Magnificent Seven didn't help any. Anyway, I know truth or dare fan fics have been done a lot, but I don't think they've been done so much for this fandom. The finale is going to be the best part. I can't wait to write it. That was an insanely long and rambly response.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Well, Eragon did have to kiss something. Or someone. That was a good idea. I might make somebody do something involving frogs and toads yet. I think I have an idea. Not sure if it's gonna fly, but oh well.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: That would be a good idea. Amy and Eragon might lose it though. Hey, that's really good idea!

Cheesey Goodness: Glad you like it. I used your dare. Orrin had to suffer along with you. My favorite dare to give is, "Call a random person and say, 'This is your stalker. You're hot,' to whoever answers." It's fun.


	13. Interruptions and Dyeing

Interruptions and Dyeing

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Orrin pulled out a name and asked, "Legolas, truth or dare?"

"Dare," the elf replied. "Elves aren't cowards."

Orrin thought for a moment. Ally leaned over and whispered something in his ear.

"That's good," Surda's king remarked. "Legolas, take Tess and go ask Angela why her hair is isn't blonde like it was in the movie?"

Ally nodded.

"I don't understand that, but anyway, say that blondes must stick together to protect themselves against dumb blonde stereotypes," Orrin finished.

A few minutes later, Tess and Legolas returned with Angela. The former two were looking rather scared.

"I'm in," was all that the herbalist said.

"What?" everyone asked.

"Well, I've been the scapegoat of two of these 'dares', so I've decided I might as well play," Angela explained. "Solembum thinks it's a stupid game, so he's decided to wait outside."

Amy put Angela's name in the container and handed it to Legolas. He drew and said, "Eragon, truth or dare?"

"Again?" the rider asked. "Is this thing rigged?"

"Most likely," Mr. L said.

"Dare," he sighed, knowing this was probably the worst decision he'd ever made.

"Dye your hair purple," Legolas decided. "This Orrin here seems to think it would make people more attractive after all."

"And since I turned him down, he needs somebody to think he's attractive," Arya added.

"You turned him down?" Legolas asked.

"Just putting my single-status out there," she replied.

Amy launched herself at Arya, screaming, "He's mine!"

Legolas watched two insane fan girls fight over him. He didn't know what to do.

"I object to that remark!" Orrin was yelling. Nobody was listening.

They were all trying to break up the cat fight between Amy and Arya.

Legolas started yelling, "Stop fighting over me! I barely know you two. I can't choose now, and this senseless fighting is unbecoming. Please, stop."

"He's so eloquent," Arya swooned.

"His voice is hot," Amy swooned.

Legolas started banging his head against the ground.

"Eragon, you need purple hair dye!" Paige yelled, pulling the said substance. Eragon sat down reluctantly and let the World Cultures class put the offending substance in his hair.

Eragon put his hand into the container, ignoring the snickers from the group because of his newly purple hair, and said, "Angela, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she said. "I want to be the one scapegoating somebody else."

"Scapegoating isn't a word," Amy remarked.

"Then I made it one," Angela shrugged.

"Finally, somebody understands why I make up words!" Ally yelled.

"Making up words is fun," Emily agreed. "And confuzzled is so a word."

"No, it's not," Kate said.

"Well, who care if it is?" Ally asked. "It's a cool word."

"Hey, dare me!" Angela yelled.

"Alright," Eragon said. "I dare you to…make out with Legolas."

WE NOW MOST DEFINITELY INTERRUPT THIS FOR AN EXTREMELY SPECIAL ANNONCEMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making out will no longer be allowed in this game. Alright, okay! Oh,and if anyone is an Arya/Legolas fan  beware I may know where you live……. ( cough,cough ABBY) .

Ally grabbed her laptop away from Amy.

"Not an appropriate dare," she said.

"Good. I'm against cradle-robbing," Angela stated.

"I know," Murtagh said.

"You, shut up," Angela told him.

Murtagh shut up. Angela was a scary woman.

Eragon thought up another dare.  
"Dye Jörmundur's hair purple," he dared.

"How original," Kit said sarcastically.  
"Well, you took away my original one!" he shrieked.

"The make out one was mine," Murtagh put in.

"Shut up!" Eragon screamed.

"Did I say you could speak?" Angela shouted.

Nasuada was laughing hysterically.

"You're sadistic," Murtagh told her.

"So are you," she shot back.

FOR PEOPLE LIKE EMILY AND AMY (who had to use a thesaurus)– sadistic means aggressive/brutal/pain loving.

Angela left and came back a few minutes later.

Ten Minutes Later

"Torture! Pain! Misery!" they all heard Jörmundur yell.

"I can sympathize with this guy," Mr. L remarked. "You know, you really should stop making him miserable."

Angela reached her hand into the container and yelled, "Nasuada, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she said.

"Tell Jörmundur you're in love with him," Angela dared.

"Once again, anything I say goes right over your heads," Mr. L said, shaking his head.

Nasuada came back with a very flustered-looking Jörmundur.  
"I'm playing," he groaned.  
Everyone stared at him.  
"Four dares against me? I think I'm safer playing," the second-in-command said.

Amy added his name to the container.

Nasuada drew and asked, "Kate, truth or dare?"

"Dare," the Eragon fan-girl answered.

Nasuada thought for a moment. Ally whispered something in her ear.

"Fake a British orgasm?" Nasuada asked.

"Okay," Kate agreed.

"No!" Amy shrieked.

Kate finished her impression that she stole from family guy.

"She didn't sound very excited," Murtagh remarked.

"I did," Kate protested.

"You weren't panting enough," Murtagh corrected.

"It's British. They don't pant. Besides, that's how they did it on Family Guy," Kate protested more.

Everyone who wasn't from Earth took a moment to figure out what Family Guy was. They never figured out what it was. That wasn't surprising.

Kate drew a name and said, "Ally, truth or dare? You're picking dare."

Ally pouted.

"Sing Joy to the World like you did at Christmas liturgy."

Ally got up and sang like she was drunk and/or high.

"My ears are bleeding!" Eragon shouted.

"You know, it was amazing how many people turned around and stared at her while she sang like that," Kate remarked.

Ally drew a name and asked, "Jade, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Jade said perkily.

"Sing I Know a Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves," Ally dared.

"Oh, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes. Boom. Boom. Boom. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…."

Twenty minutes later

Everyone was crying from annoyance. Murtagh almost killed Ally (again). Ally was banging her head against the wall for her terrible stupidity in dare-choosing.

Finally, Jade ran out of breath and shut up.

"At least she could sing," Arya muttered.

"I know I can't sing. My family tells me I can't sing. Now can everybody let it go?" Ally asked.

Jade pulled out a piece of paper and called out, "Jörmundur, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he mumbled.

"Dye half of you hair pink," Jade dared.

"Can I undye the other half?" he asked hopefully.

Jade shook her head cheerfully.

Jörmundur groaned as Emily handed him a container of pink hair-dye.

He drew a name and read out, "Murtagh, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he decided. Everyone was beginning to wonder if people were allowed to pick truth anymore.

"I dare you to dye your hair pink," Jörmundur told him. If he had to suffer, so did this idiot.

Murtagh glared at everyone in general as the World Cultures class went to work on his hair.

He pulled a name out of the hat and read, "Roran, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Roran said, gulping. He didn't want to be thought of as a coward, but he was extremely worried that his hair wouldn't be brown after this. He was right.

"Dye your hair neon-green and yellow," Murtagh dared.

"At least it's better than pink," Roran muttered.

"With pink highlights," Murtagh added.

Roran glared at him. The World Cultures class went to work on his hair.

Roran drew a name and said, "Amy, truth or dare?"

"Dare," the girl chose.

"Don't make a move on Legolas for fifteen minutes," Roran dared. Amy pouted, but she had to do her dare.

She pulled out a piece of paper and read, "Emily, truth or dare?"

"Truth. I don't wanna do a dare," Emily said.

"Do you know how many calories there are in water?" Amy asked.

"Well, now I do. Zero," she replied, reaching into the container and saying, "Tess, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Tess selected.

"Hmm," Emily said. Ally whispered an idea.

"That would be interesting," Emily agreed. "Run through the tents screaming bloody murder. Literally."

"Alright," Tess said. "If anyone believes me, it's your fault."

A bunch of Varden people Surdans decided to ignore the weird blonde who was screaming bloody murder. She must be one of the weird foreigners they'd heard about.

Tess came back in and started laughing. "They all ignored me," she said.

"There is a god!" Jörmundur and Orrin yelled at the same time.

"If there's a god, why is my hair pink?" Murtagh asked.

"Meg, truth or dare?" Tess asked.

"Dare," Meg decided.  
"Dye Orrin's hair…blue and magenta," Tess dared.

"There isn't a god," Orrin muttered.

"There is," Ally said.

"No, there isn't," Arya said.

"Shut up, atheist," Ally retorted. (No offense meant to atheists.)

"Let me have my opinions," Arya replied.

"Let me have mine," Ally shot back.

Arya shrugged in agreement.

"Back to the game and away from the debate!" Meg screamed. "Does anyone have magenta die?"

"I have some," Paige offered.

"Do you have every color?" Meg asked.

Paige nodded.

Meg finished her dare and drew a name. "Katrina," she began, "truth or dare?"

"Dare," Katrina selected.

"Pretend you're in love with Eragon," Meg dared as she covered Roran's ears and eyes. When she finally got her hand off them, he witnessed Katrina declaring her love to Eragon. While straddling him. At this moment, Ally suddenly grew obsessively protective of her laptop.

"Hey! Get away from my cousin! And you get away from my woman!" he screamed, reaching for his hammer.

"Calm down. It was her dare," Meg explained.

Katrina got off of Eragon and drew a name. "Paige," she asked, "truth or dare?"

"Dare," Paige decided.

"Propose to an Urgal," Katrina dared. Everyone gaped at her. They hadn't known sweet Katrina could have such a vivid imagination.

Paige got up and went to do so. Everyone followed her and saw a very flustered-looking Nar Garzvhog trying to turn down the "amorous" teenager. Finally, Paige stopped her wonderful acting and explained truth or dare to him. Then she asked him if he would like to play. The Kull was strenuously opposed to this whole idea.

"Coward," Paige taunted. "I'm just teasing," she added at the poor Kull's hurt look. She walked back to the tent. She pulled out a piece of paper and read out, "Nicole, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Nicole selected.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST AGAIN FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON AT ALL!!! HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS ISN'T AMY THIS TIME!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE INTERRUPT THIS INTERRUPTION OF THE BROADCAST!!!!!!!! YAY GO NICOLE WITH YOUR MAD SHORT INTIMIDATION SKILLS!!!!! CUCKOO SONG !!!!!!!! 

Ally could not take her computer back as Nicole and Amy rapidly typed – interrupting the 'broadcast' several times. Yah , they are even writing now. As I am telling you this. This is not Ally typing. Yah. Good times. But Nicole could steal the laptop from Amy long enough to write this sentence. But she can't spell. Yay me! All the fanfic characters stared at the seemingly rather strange random outbursts of the three girls. Then, Ally got her laptop back. After about 20 minutes of completely random pointlessness. ( p.s. Nicole totally came up with that – Amy)

"Let me see some of those short intimidation skills I've been hearing so much about," Paige dared.

Nicole looked a bit puzzled when the perfect opportunity presented itself. Galbatorix walked right into the tent, and girl who was only an inch and a half taller than Nicole materialized out of thin air. (Well, we know she really came through a portal.)

Who is the weird girl? What will happen now that Galby is in the picture? Read and find out. Here are the review responses. Ten reviews! You did well. Can I have another ten for this chapter?

Azulcat: Thanks. I'm glad you like it. And yes, Mr. L is real, and he is that cool. We had an argument about who was better: the Vikings, the Ravens, or the Steelers today in class because we weren't really doing anything. It's football day, so that was how that whole argument came up.

Save the Pandas: It's okay. I have exams next week actually. I've finished studying for math. I've practiced so much, and I think I'm alright with that. I've just gotta go over the rest more. I mean, we have in class, but I know I've gotta do more. I don't understand what tests you were talking about, but that doesn't matter.

Prettybella: Well, Orrin's hair got dyed in this chapter. A lot people's did actually. Dear, dear, nobody was very original, were they?

Kate: Well, I'm still here, and this fic has to end some time.

Nooneatall: Abby can't put Legolas and Arya together. She's not writing this fic. Then again, you can't make a move on him for another five minutes. Haha.

Cheesey Goodness: Yeah, that poor, innocent stranger. My friend called some random person and said, "This is your stalker. You've hot." It was hilarious.

Goddess of Rock: Thanks.

PrincessBob: Yay for rambling. Now, I must make the finale as good as I can. Hooray for pressure.

Wolf.gren: Well, Leggie-dear was in this chapter a lot. I hope that made up for it. Mr. L isn't playing. He's just making comments about us. It's fun. Slash is fun to say, but I wouldn't lock Legolas and Arya in Abby's closet. She wouldn't want to see that.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Well, Roran's hair is neon-green and yellow now. That was a good color combination. I saw a guy with rainbow hair once. At least, I think it was a guy. I hate when you can't tell which gender a person is. We have been being mean to poor Jörmundur. Oh well. He got to be mean to us. Well, to Murtagh really, but it doesn't matter. Murtagh was annoying him too. Making out with his leader/dead best friend's daughter. Yeah. He got his revenge.


	14. A Finale Consisting of Events Too Numero

A Finale Consisting of Events Too Numerous to List

Disclaimer: I don't own Legolas, Monty Python, or anything Eragon. Did you really think I did? Seriously.

"What are you doing here?" Murtagh yelled to Galbatorix.

"I'm here to recapture you. Those girls defied logic somehow, and now you're free. Oh, this just isn't right. So, I'm fixing it," Galbatorix explained.

"You will not recapture me," Murtagh stated.

_Nor me,_ Thorn shouted.

_And you won't capture me either,_ Ohen yelled.

"Ah yes, the green dragon who started the downhill slide of logic by getting his egg broken," Galbatorix groaned.

_I didn't get it broken, but I am free,_ Ohen protested.

_For once, I love the little rebel,_ Saphira remarked to Thorn.

_I love him too,_ Thorn agreed.

_Thorn, stop flirting with Saphira. We have a problem here, _Murtagh shouted.

_Compared to what you were doing with Nasuada, I'm golden,_ Thorn replied.

_But you're red,_ Saphira teased.

_Shut up,_ Thorn told her.

"Hem! Hem!" Galbatorix yelled.

"Cough drop?" Paige asked.

Galbatorix screamed wordlessly at her.

"You're supposed to do that into a pillow," Paige replied.

Just then, the clean cut man with slightly graying hair who admonished Galbatorix for his use of staples instead of tape in chapter five came into the tent. He was carrying a vial.

"This is cyanide," he said. "Stephen King table, what does it do?" He addressed the last part of this question to Ally.

"It stops oxygen from accepting the ATPs and blocks up the electron transport system," they both replied with happy smiles.

"Very good," the man said, holding out the vial and vanishing again.

"Drink this," Ally said to Galbatorix.

"No," the king said while pouting like a two year old.

"Drink the cuckoo juice," Nicole ordered.

Galbatorix looked slightly cowed by this, but he still refused the cyanide, even though he didn't know what ATPs and the electron transport system were. (It's a bio thing. I'm using this fic to help me study for my exams even during my study break.)

"Drink it," the new girl, whose name was Noelle, ordered.

"Drink it," Nicole added.

"DRINK THE CUCKOO JUICE!" they both shrieked.

"It is fun to block up the ETS," Amy added.

"DRINK ALREADY!" the two short girls demanded.

Galbatorix took a breath and drank the vial. Then it happened. He stopped doing respiration (which is not breathing; breathing is just gas exchange; sorry about the studying). He was no longer producing enough ATPs to keep his system going. In short, he was not making enough energy to keep living. He kicked the bucket, keeled over, and started fertilizing daisies just like cow manure. In even more short, he died. And there was much rejoicing. (Say, "Yay," as unenthusiastically as possible.) In fact, all the people from Earth, including Mr. L did just that. The boring Alagaësians and the one Ardan actually rejoiced. Those boring people.

Unfortunately, the occasion for rejoicing was soon over. You see, they all heard an all too familiar, all too perfect voice. They turned to see K'tanya standing there. Her hair had turned red and grown back, and her eyes had become more purple than green, though they still retained some of the deep emerald hues.

"Oh, girls, I forgot to give you this iodine," the biology teacher said, coming out of a portal and handing the substance to Tess before vanishing through the portal again.

"How did you return?" Murtagh gasped. Orrin was trembling like a baby.

"To my utter shock and horror, I was cast into the deepest depths of hell. They said it was because I violated the sixth commandment, whatever that is." (i.e. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Isn't shalt a fun word?) "They then explained that it had something to do with me being too promiscuous. I resented that greatly. I was simply being generous to the Surdan army. Is that so wrong?"

"You mentally scarred me for life, so yes it is!" Orrin shrieked. He was now cowering behind Angela, who was trying to shake him off. She couldn't. He was practically attached to her.

K'tanya tossed her perfect hair and brushed Orrin aside as though he had been a fly in true Mary Sue fashion. "I then met a person who was willing to help. He seemed reluctant at first, but then he decided that my speshulness was his only hope. We made our way out of hell and back to Alagaësia. Unfortunately, my perfect sense of direction had been thrown off somewhat by my sojourn in hell, and my companion was none too bright. There, I met two more people who understood me fully. They were like me in every respect. They too had been persecuted because of jealous mortals. You see, a biology teacher by the name of Tom P--- had turned them into gerbils and kept them in a cage in the back of his class room because he considered them a threat. My companion freed them of my spell (with lots and lots of help from me), and we came here again. Actually, my companion and my equals are still coming back."

Just then, two flashes of brilliant white light split the air outside the tent. (They'd had to leave it to accommodate K'tanya's speshulness.) Another flash of light appeared. That wasn't very brilliant.

The first two flashes revealed a boy with pale skin, black hair, blue eyes, and absolutely perfect features and body. He seemed to be the perfect combination of dark and moody and "kind" and "understanding." He was undoubtedly a Gary Stu.

"I am Charlamarte," he pontificated.

The second flash revealed a girl with long white blond hair and lavender eyes. Her figure was perfect as well, though she was small and petite.

'I am Chemisier, sister of Charlamarte," she announced.

"You're evil?" Emily moaned. "I named you two."

They ignored her. The third not-so-flashy flash revealed a tall, red-haired man with a face like a skull. He glared at Eragon.

"Thanks a lot for killing me. I was so desperate I had to take help from a bunch of Sues," Durza grumbled.

"You gave me a scar that gave me seizures!" Eragon yelled.

Meanwhile, the World Cultures class was busy making an evil plan revolving around the iodine. They all leapt on K'tanya to keep her from moving, and Tess, the only one who was taller than the Sue, dripped the iodine into her hair through an eye-dropped.

Amy pulled up a spreadsheet on excel and began to type the results.

"NO!" the Sue cried, glancing at a mirror Abby was holding in her face. "My beautiful red locks are to black. An ugly black." They then made it worse by shaving it into a Mohawk. K'tanya was vanquished.

"What do you know?" Amy said. "There is starch in Mary Sue hair."

"It's not even a hot black like mine," Charlamarte remarked blandly. "And girls shouldn't have Mohawks."

"Stop mooning about your hair and get down to business!" Durza ordered them. K'tanya may have been brought down by the ruin of her hair, but he wasn't about to be.

Another epic battle ensued. Well, it was supposed to be epic, but it didn't exactly turn out that way. Tess broke the iodine bottle, and it got every where. It turned out that K'tanya was the only person speshul enough to have starch in her hair. Legolas looked so hot that Amy, whose fifteen minutes of not harassing Legolas were up, and Arya got into another cat fight over him. Everyone else was too busy battling Durza and the Sues to stop it. Even Legolas didn't notice, as he and Murtagh (the hottest guys there) did battle with the Stu.

Eragon was fighting Durza (again). Saphira and Arya were both helping. Everyone else was working on bringing down Chemisier. She seemed to be quite speshul, almost as speshul as K'tanya. Everyone almost got sick from the saccharine speshulness of her. Ohen and Nasuada had teamed up to bring her down. Would they succeed?

Just when it looked as though all hope was lost the most random thing to happen so far happened.

The voice of the clean cut bio teacher, the Mr. Tom P who had battled Charlamarte and Chemisier successfully, broke through the rancor along with the sound the World Cultures text book that Amy had lent him to represent a high energy electron dropping on the table. He was saying, "Table number five, a.k.a. the Stephen King table, wake up. We need more oxygen to complete this Respiration, the human drama."

Both girls looked at each other and said, "That was a weird dream."

Yep, it was all a dream, and that's the end of this fic. No, we didn't actually have this dream, but we figured the only way something could become this weird was if it was a dream. It also seemed appropriately random. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Nikki's Evil Doppelganger: Thanks. This update came surprisingly soon, I know.

Save the pandas: Oh, you're British? Sorry. I'm glad it amused you as well as offending you though. Multi-colored hair is cool though.

Ebz: It's Noelle, as you found out. She's almost as short as Nicole. I'm actually in that same situation as you. I'm tall for my family (at least my mom's family; I have a cousin on my dad's side who is at least 6'5.) I'm also short to average compared to the rest of the people in my class. I'm 5'5. Yes, Amy randomly commandeers my laptop even though she has her own.

BlackPhoenixFireRaven: I might actually tell him that everyone in Minnesota hates the Vikings. I'll need it. The Ravens lost to the Colts. I'll just bring up the Viking's criminal records. They blow the Raven's out of the water. I'm glad you like the fic by the way.

Kitty and Amethyst: Nasuada became his rider. At least they teamed to beat Chemisier before the dream ended.

Samantha: LOL. It's okay. My one friend MJ dyes her hair a lot too. Well, she has to dye it blonde now, and she's doing it slowly. It's a very long story, but she doesn't want to do it.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Like I said about my hair dyeing friend to Samantha. You're welcome, and thanks for the suggestion. I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and I hope you liked this one.

Azulcat: Thanks. It's weird because it's a dream. (At least in the fic it is.)

Cheesey Goodness: Well, I thought it would be funny if everyone had a different hair color. Plus they were all running out of originality. I decided to end it all with this chapter.

PrincessBob: Yeah, well, I have Chasing Cars stuck in my head. I hope you liked this finale. It was the most random thing I've done, or so I believe. I'm glad you liked all the hair-dyeing.


	15. There's a Sequel

Hey, I just wanted everyone to know that my friends wrote a sequel to this called "How to Make Legolas Crazier" under the Lord of the Rings fandom. It's still under my penname. If you liked this fic, check it out.


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